my computer’s damaged. my right arm too. (temporarily)

i had a surgery three days ago and the days before were plagued with homemaking activities so i barely had time for myself nor uni. (the #100DaysOf challenges is failing badly)

sad to say that neither my home nor my right arm looks brand new. im trying to figure out if all this bad luck recently is the result of past karma or im paying stuff forward….

i am however feeling hopeful to regain most of my arm’s functionalities within a week though my thumb is currently not that mobile. im showering later today so that is something to look forward to!

i spent my week reading a lot about Aileen Wuornos and got her second autobiography. emotionally im also feeling a little horrible about my old roommate at the hospital.

my first exam is in less than three weeks. let’s goooooooooooo

Uniklinik Aachen part 2

where is part 1 you ask? well who needs that when you can right away get part 2.

this is my first time typing with one hand (left) and on a tablet and in the hospital.

an anaesthesia doctor is currently talking to the 92 year old “roommate” of mine of a night. im leaving in a few hours and she’s having another operation.


im discharged and at home alone as i continue writing. i can also type with my right hand now though less efficient so the left hand is dominating. my total duration of stay at the hospital amounted to less than 24 hours. a friend accompanied me to another friend’s car. it was raining and i coudn’t properly wear my winter jacket

TIMELINE (vaguely as i remember it)

27/01/21

13:20 arrived at the hospital and then “checked-in” to my room. this procedure is different than the last time, presumably due to corona

15:00 my friend left

16:28 i was pushed out of the room; had to leave my phone, glasses and everything in the room

16:35 arrived at the observation room. a doctor there seemed confused and said that he had no idea. lollllll. i was left there alone with my thoughts but i could see the clock. a lot of people in scrubs passed by me, some looked over me, some completely ignored me, some left with bags. at one point i thought everyone’s leaving so i asked the Had-No-Idea doctor if the surgery was still on. he said yes of course

17:20ish a female doctor who just pushed a patient bed in introduced herself as the anaesthesia doctor and that she would be with me shortly

around 17:30 i had to slide to the “table”, i didn’t know that’s what they call the “bed” that patients are on while being operated. for safety reasons a belt was secured around my knee area. this reminded me a little of the execution chair that they use in America to administer the lethal injection. the anesthesia doctor cheerfully told me that i made a great decision with the partial anaethesia; i would be awake the entire time but she could chat with me

17:35 finally at the operation theatre! i think i saw a total of 10 or more different medical personnel. the anaesthesic team realise that they would have to call in an “expert” cos they would have to turn my entire arm numb ( i think they thought it was just the lower arm)

i no longer could see a clock so ive no idea now

they set up tables or something like that for me to stretch both my arms on each side. now this REALLY reminded of the execution chair cos they were also poking on both ends. the cheerful-anaesthesia-doctor tried to distract me as her newbie assistant tried to insert a needle on my left hand. also worth mentioning is that, at this point i have been fasting, not even having a drop of water, for about 18 hours now. i guess my veins were not very visible. well it hurt like hell as the cheerful doctor was distracting me by making small talk. i said i learnt German in Freiburg and she replied with “ich lieeeeeeeeebe Freiburg!” followed by me squirming in pain. then she took over and finally the easy part is over. this entire time, a motherlike-doctor was cupping my face, this doctor would hold my hand for a few times. seriously, very motherlike. i ended up with three holes on my left hand

next, the expert-anaesthesia doctor was there and he guided the cheerful-doctor using a device that allowed them to see the capillaries and shits like that in my body. another doctor/nurse was beside on standby to release the anaesthesic liquids and i could feel my muscle contract and that caused me to jerk. (i think people being executed sense something similar but much stronger and it happens all over their body) they repeated the process a few times and at another location then it was time to wait for it to work

later, two doctors rubbed my entire right arm in red alcohol. (i was already asleep during the last surgery so it was eye-opening to see them doing it live). some doctors made sure i was warm enough and securely strapped on the table (including the motherlike doctor, of ourse). after that, they told me that they will build a “tent” to maintain a sterilised environment during the surgery. in this “tent” lied only my right arm. i could not see a thing so i was a little disappointed cos i honestly thought that i would be able to watch them doing the surgery.

after all of this was done, they started the protocol, like calling a meeting (something i missed the last time too). very interesting.

finally, it was time to test the anaesthesia. someone pinched me and asked if i felt that. yes. it hurt a lot. and then they were like: “hmm should we have a full anaesthesia?” then the anaesthesia team suggested that we all wait for another five minutes. but like 30 seconds later they directly cut on my skin which hurt so much my entire body jumped forward (now i know what the safety belt is for) and the surgery team called out: “nope it’s not working.” the reply was “well we said to wait for 5 minutes, not 30 seconds, if you can’t wait, then let’s just do the full anaesthesia.”

after getting my approval, i was then unconscious and they did their thing. i think it might be 18:30 when they finally started.

20:20 i was awake as they pushed me into the observation room. they mentioned that i regained some consciousness as they were sewing the wound. i was in pain so they gave me liquid painkillers. i also noticed that my right arm was numb so that proved that the partial anesthesia could’ve sufficed.

a nurse was tending to me and asked me where im from. then she said that she was there before too. i showed her my tattoo. at this point i was kinda groggy and upset cos they didn’t save the metal plate that they removed. at one point she told me that it was already 21:15 and i remember thinking: wow time flies down here.

finally got back to my room at around 21:30 and got my phone and informed my dad, my partner, and some friends. then Instagram.

as i could walk (something that i couldn’t do well the last time), i even used the toilet without help. but i needed help because i was on my period….ugkkk so much blood loss. i felt like throwing up and they told me it’s because of the anaesthesia; i practically had too much of it. i requested food though they dripped glucose into me before this. and i ate it at about 11pm, with the help of a nurse smearing margarine and jam on two slices of bread. the hospital doesn’t serve vegan meals and it came with a yoghurt. i happily ate the plain yoghurt cos i haven’t had dairy products for about two weeks now (it’s not a very long time but still). this morning i had cheese and quark for breakfast hahahahaha. what is Veganuary hahahahaha

28/01/21

the lady beside me couldn’t sleep and we made some small talk and tried to sleep. i was awake once at around 3am. then again at 5am because a nurse came in who barked “junge Frau! haben Sie nach der OP Pipi gemacht?” (young lady! have you urinated after your surgery?) then again at about 7am cos they were doing their rounds.

a 10-doctor team came to greet us (my roommate and me). their first words to me were “you have extremely hard bones hmm. i heard that they struggled a lot to try to remove everything.” to which i replied: “well that’s great to know, so it wouldn’t break again.”

a doctor came and removed my bandage and by 11:10am i was ready to go home.

i said goodbye to the lady who was born in 1928.

11:48
im home


currently, the only movement deficit that i experience is my right thumb. i cannot maneuver it to do a thumbs-up but they think it’s because of the anaesthesia. we’ll see tomorrow if it gets better. i have a vague feeling of wanting to vomit.

they only removed maybe 20% or less than what used to be in there. screws were broken in an attempt to haul them out. the surgery took longer than expected.

my doctor in Malaysia was right, he told me that the metal things should be removed within a year of installation…it’s been almost 21 months. the doctors here in Germany claimed that it wasn’t healed yet last year when i went.

well well, i am then a humanoid for life. 😛

day 5

wow first day 5. pretty uneventful and unproductive day. decided to go on video entertainment fast for a month after im done with my current series (The Marvelous Mrs Maisel)

#ofwakingupearly ✅

haha. i lied in for an hour. but it was still early so yeah

#ofMeditation ✅

29.5 breaths. the first two minutes were very easy to control and it just went downhill after that.

#ofFrench ✅

until my hearts ran out

#ofCode ❌

i tried to do some reading and then some programming tasks but kept getting distracted. ha. ha.

reboot day 4

last day of reboot. haha. i slept like a baby last night.

#ofwakingupearly ✅

haha. i lied in for an hour. but it was still early so yeah

#ofMeditation ❌

so for some reason i could only do this in the morning and i was too late for that

#ofFrench ✅

lost my hearts on Duolingo faster than i wanted

#ofCode ✅

it was okay

reboot Day 3

i had better sleep but was still sleep-deprived from the days before. and i was smart enough to start my day with very strong black tea and i was a zombie for the better part of the day.

#ofwakingupearly ✅

haha. i lied in for an hour. but it was still early so yeah

#ofMeditation ✅

32 breaths. there was something very mindless going on

#ofFrench ✅

parfait!

#ofCode ✅

ha. ha. no zero days right?

reboot day 2

i had trouble sleeping last night and i was kinda awake till 3 or 4am…and i couldn’t take a nap…pretty much a zombie for the entire day…

#ofwakingupearly ✅

haha. i lied in for an hour. but it was still early so yeah

#ofMeditation ✅

28 breaths. somehow i managed this

#ofFrench ✅

well my first few hours were pretty okay

#ofCode ❌

apparently im stuck at an easy task fmlllll

reboot Day 1

basically i spend the weekend petrified and appalled by the life and fate of Lisa Montgomery, the first woman to be executed by the US in nearly 70 years (wow i sound like a real journalist but that’s because ive seen the same lines too many times in my “research”). i think i read about half of the 184page social history of hers. her story is definitely the most horrible one ive ever read — and ive read a lot about serial killers and other gruesome murders — it is so bad that it practically kept me up at night and i had trouble falling asleep over the weekend. she is gone now forever and maybe her Heaven is a much better place for her. just wanna say that: i think her crime is bad and she was definitely guilty, but i don’t think she deserves to be killed by her country like that, especially after they failed her her entire life. i cannot and i don’t think i will ever comprehend her execution, nor her broken life. i am sorry

#ofwakingupearly ✅

due to sleep deprivation in the past days, my nap was almost 1.5 hours today lol

#ofMeditation ✅

only did 5 minutes because my mind and heart have been too heavy and i have trouble concentrating. 15.5 breaths

#ofFrench ✅

actually planned to finish a unit a day on Duolingo (just to Level 1 so i unlock a new unit) but i was so tired i took the aforementioned long nap, which should actually be categorised as sleep

#ofCode ✅

worked through my professor’s code examples and tried to solve a coding challenge. not done yet but oh am i tired

observations; im taking responsibility

well it took me till Wednesday to realise that i switched off my extra alarm for some reason during the weekend and Apple Watch just can’t wake me up…today i snoozed for two hours cos i was too sleepy. dammit. i think i require more than an hour to wind down and chill before being able to fall asleep.

this is a weird mental block that i have: that when i wake up late, i feel like the day has already been ruined and it’s hard for me to do things that i have to. but now it’s getting better. like i had to go to the hospital yesterday and still managed to watch some uni videos in the afternoon. i guess im getting better but this mental block pretty much fills my head with negative sentiments that i just…don’t feel like doing anything.

if there was anything that i have learnt about such things (yeah i couldn’t put a name to it cos i just woke up and my brain doesn’t even want to express its unsolicited opinions) is that i can fight it. so piss the fuck off, phrenic demons aka productivity murderers.

anyway, i think i’ll reset the challenge and restart on January 18th, 2021. to April 28th, 2021 (my brother’s birthday!). Each day counts even if things were not achieved (and there would be failed #ofCode days, considering the exam season in about a month and i have other exams to prepare). #ofwakingupearly , #ofMeditation , and #ofFrench will go on.

my name is Wei Yen, and it’s just the second week of the new year, and my resolutions have failed. i don’t want to quit though. i will try again.