“It’s my birthday”

At the supermarket yesterday, while we were loading the things to the belt, the cashier was just looking at us and not scanning any of the products and smiling weirdly, then i realised that alcohol was the first thing in line so i quickly went over and said:
 
“oh hi do you need to see my ID? Here is my passport” (yes i am well prepared)
 
and she’s like: (while smiling tenderly)
 
“it’s fine, these aren’t liquors and you are allowed to buy these when you’re 16 and i think you look older than 16 but liquors are allowed when you are 18
*and then she saw that there was indeed liquor behind*
*so she paused and studied my face again*
hmm okay…errrr..i guess you are 20?? so that’s also okay, you can purchase them”
 
Then I said: “er well it’s my birthday today and i’m actually 22 now”
 
She: “AHHH THEN THAT IS COMPLETELY FINE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND HAVE FUN!!!!”



I bumped into a friend on the street.

Me: HIIII HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She: ohhh happy new year to you too!!!…and merry christmas!
Me: haha thank you! It’s my birthday too today.
She: ahhhh and happy birthday then!
That’s how you kill three birds with one stone.


The question is: is it weird going around to say that??

Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22!!!!!



Grieving

It’s a strong word. It’s a strong verb. It’s a strong emotion.


I haven’t grieved for a long time; I’ve also never grieved the loss of a friend. I don’t know what to feel, or rather, I don’t know what I am feeling.

I don’t think my brain has completely registered it. Maybe it understood it for a while when there were tears streaming down my eyes while I was trying to study how to measure temperature. I didn’t exactly learn how to because it’s in German, the language that brought us together.

It’s been more than a year since we last saw each other in person, though we did do video calls with the others in Australia and Hong Kong this year. I will miss the random phone calls when I was in Göttingen, in Selangor, and in Osaka. I don’t think anyone else has ever tried to reach me at so many places.


I’m sorry for not texting you that often, especially since we started university, how was your university life actually? I’ve only managed to hear a little about it from other people’s mouths. I wish I talked to you personally instead.

I thought we had time. After all, we were supposed to have a Goethe reunion at some point right? And we’re all in Europe, a small continent, where it takes just over three hours to fly from one end to another end.


I cannot imagine how the others who were much closer to you are coping; I’m suffering. I had company the days before and couldn’t mourn properly. Tonight is dedicated to that.

It is strange.

I think, subconsciously, I believe that you’re gone. Yet consciously, my brain couldn’t grasp that concept. Alas, sometimes I couldn’t believe that my mom’s gone too, haha. Why are we alive if we would die anyway? What’s the purpose of life then?


I didn’t care enough to decipher your Instagram bio, but now I want to know. Maybe I’d write a computer program to find the answer. I hope you’re laughing in heavens at how much trouble this little beer lady will be going through.

How do I find your Spotify playlist that has the MAINSTREAM songs we listen to?

I’m drinking mead, aka honey wine, and I’m under alcohol influence but I also have to do the dishes myself later.


Brandenburger Tor, it’s been a week since I last texted you, why don’t you reply?