every time i see this word, i think of a door that isn’t attached to a frame. that’s the image that i usually associate it with.
but now that im feeling unhinged; instead of doing something productive like catching up on sleep; im contemplating this term.
i can’t tell if im feeling lightheaded because of a minor sleep deprivation, because im stopping antidepressants and therefore feeling nauseous, or because my mind is really unhinging itself from the rest of me.
to be honest, i don’t know why unhinged should commonly be used interchangeably with crazy. it looks too hinged to be unhinged.
so i propose an alternative: untethered. visually im seeing a kind of cord cut loose…cut free. although this word seems to be more widely used in other contexts, i think they should instead use unhinged in those situations.
“hey are you still stuck with that job?” “yes i am very hinged to it”
“are you together with that person?” “no we are unhinged from one another.”
im such a sucker for semantics.
i guess people normally describe someone as crazy when the subject seems to have no limits in the way that they act/think — their life philosophy is untethered to social conventions.
what im trying to say is, being crazy may actually be a way of being free.
i honestly forgot the existence of this virtual property of mine (no i’m actually not sure which parts of this really belong to me but i do pay for something so i guess something does really belong to me).
the last post was my diary on my second last day in quarantine in Malaysia and i have been back in Germany for about four months now…an exam season is over and a new academic semester has started. i haven’t been doing a lot of productive things since the last update other than studying for exams, working on a compulsory group project, and playing badminton (and socialising, if that counts). oh, badminton.
BADminton. i played in my first ever game season (league games aren’t very popular where im from) so i was mighty excited but unfortunately im injured. again. and im completely out of the season and i didn’t even manage to play a quarter of the games…seriously…badminton was pretty much my therapy and of course the universe has to take it away from me. again. sigh, i can probably sulk for an entire book. but i will not, out of respect for my time and energy and your time and energy.
my english has gotten worse due to the lack of reading of high quality writings (and perhaps of too many low quality ones). now that i once again have more time, im picking up reading again. like, of real books that’s been proofread and so. and oh ive watched a few animes hahahah and i guess i am still slightly obsessed with Attack on Titan although i am temporarily abandoning the manga (i finished all of the currently available anime and the last part comes out on my birthday!)(if we consider the time zone differences). there are so much to watch, so much to read, so much to listen to, so much to play, so much to learn…so so so much to do, and if you were expecting me to end this sentence with “but so little time”, you are mistaken.
i want to practice writing again for sure and i have a creative writing challenge idea that ive yet to execute, so, please stay tuned.
remember i said i was having a games night? we ended up just chatting till almost 1:30am…and so i woke up pretty late and was basically just really tired the entire day. didn’t do much except chilling and doomscrolling.
i however showered four times though, because of allergies, godammit. i slept really late too because of the allergies and had to distract myself (with YouTube).
Fifty Shades was on the 10th place today.
hari keduabelas (idek if this is the correct spelling)
why are there so many insects in this room??? i have committed at least 5 murders today on ants (ant-icide?).
i rushed some tasks for the university project and had a meeting too. that is easily the most productive thing ive done today.
according to my rough estimations, i would need about 4 more bottles of water to survive if i were being discharged tomorrow around noon. they gave me 10 so i’m thinking of doing a drinking game with water. im watching Sexify later with my partner per Teleparty, maybe every time they say the word “sex” or imply something sexual??
ive also been starting to pack as if im really gonna go home tomorrow (it’s supposed to be till Sunday), it’s not like i unpacked a lot but im really looking forward to leaving this Allergy Dungeon filled with crawling and flying insects! i actually brought a bunch of scrap paper too but i only used like 10% of it hahahahhaa.
apparently my dad’s been spending his MCO (Movement Control Order; basically a lockdown) deep-cleaning my room hahahah, so im looking forward to going home!
Fifty Shades is not on the charts anymore!
PS: another two ant-icides happened while writing this.
the main highlight is the exam season and i just bloody realised that im not even halfway through my exams!!! what on earth!!!! it’s been forever!!!! and my grades aren’t even that excellent…i can totally understand people who drop out…it literally feels like a waste of time. [to my friends who are worried that i might do just that : fret not, im asian and some part of me still want to feel the pride associated with a piece of hopefully recycled paper]
i used the Chinese New Year and exams as excuses to eat a lot of Chinese takeout and meat so i gained a substantial amount of weight which is why im annoyed. another side effect of this is my diminishing wallet. but i was happy as hell!
my thumb is still broken and my surgery wound is for some reason a little infected??? after two months??????? tending to it has been annoying (by tending i mean ignoring it, which is harder to do than you think). i went for my first run this year and since the surgery last week, which was invigorating and at the same time breathless. it is winter part 5 or 6 now here in Germany so im a little frustrated that i cannot go out and run and “wiggle*” the my extra weight away. [*quoting this directly from a data analysis & visualisation slide; please see below]
i started using a shampoo bar and mmmmmm for someone who is basically trash i think im doing a great job in reducing waste.
one more very important thing is the improvement of my mental health. my psychotherapist is amazing mannnnn! (i differentiate between a psychotherapist and physiotherapist because it wouldn’t be long till i have both in my life again)
i haven’t been reading as much as i wanted to so in some way, i feel like a stupider person. i have been however watching shows “to relax after a tense day of studying(cramming- because i didn’t do shit during the semester)” which is obviously just another excuse to not grow my mind in a more productive way during my free time…not proud of it but im chronically lazy person so yes, i will accept this personality flaw without question (cos that takes effort).
i have ideas for some EXCITING side projects to do in the near future…but first i need to. get. through. exam. anxiety. im combatting it by writing way more exams than i used to. i think im currently slated for more exams in this one semester than the last two combined … someone is trying to sprint to the finish line 8)
my brain was kinda swimming in keyboard vomit and i think i should just let it out so here it is…STAY ALIVE!!!!
my main question is: do people who fall into this category (whose birthday fall within the first two weeks of a year) fail their new year resolutions more often than others? because we also have to celebrate our birthdays? and Christmas and the New Year’s Eve and the New Year were just less than three weeks ago?? or do i celebrate more extravagantly than others? (i don’t think so, i kinda only had a dinner planned)
but as seen in my #100DaysOf experiment, i basically am failing to do anything productive on the day before, on The day, and now the day after. i essentially gave myself a 3 day break. and it’s not like im partying or anything —we are in a pandemic anyway, so i am mostly alone — but i really just feel like chillin’.
i tried to adhere to my plans, which mostly consists of studying but i couldn’t focus, almost at all. and the weird thing is, i wasn’t even thinking about anything else; my brain just didn’t want to focus. puh.
as such i feel like restarting my #100DaysOf challenge on Monday. (am i the only one who feels a strong need to start things on mondays???) or should i just continue it??? but with Day 3??? i’ll think about it when my brain agrees to thinking about it. hopefully tomorrow.
idk if this applies to everyone or just an idiosyncrasy of mine. i actually know people with birthdays from January 1 through 18, but alas, i just want to chill and not send surveys. i also should start replying to the wishes that i haven’t replied to….but i just want to chill mannnnn.
some (fun) facts about my birthday, which i think is the most interesting date ever (at least for me) (but i think i also speak for a North Korean maybe)
it’s January 8th.
so for people who share my birthday, we celebrate Christmas, New Year and our birthday on three consecutive weeks on the same day. (i always tell people that my birthday is exactly two weeks after Christmas and exactly a week after the New Year)
famous people who share our birthday: Elvis Presley, Stephen Hawking, David Bowie
but in recent years, i like to say Kim Jong-Un (leader of North Korea). i often said: “ha! the entire North Korea celebrates my birthday!” however, after really checking yesterday, i am horrified to learn that they don’t celebrate it at all. 😦 we can’t know for sure why but speculations include that it is too cold and too expensive to hold lavish celebrations…okay…
it is a day after the Orthodox Christmas!
and i just did a search to find out if there is anything else that is interesting about this day and LOL there is something called Typing Day …that is conceptualised and held in my homeland…what a coincidence.
other coincidences that happened this week: on Spotify’s Discover Weekly, which i started listening to because i don’t want my top songs 2021 to be something from 2020 trolololol, there is a song called Memphis by Kitten (which is eerily also playing in the background as i type this) which has the lyrics “im 24”, my current age. wow.
the majority would call the year a rather eventful year; albeit it referring generally to the world and not to individual lives.
i can imagine that a lot of people had a rather flat slope (is that an oxymoron?) when it comes to the dramaticness of their lives in year 2020. im not trying to insult these people — as i have learnt, having a rather uneventful life is sometimes a better way to live — since the only good thing about people like me who are always chasing the adrenaline is, really, just to have anecdotes to tell at a (virtual) social gathering. other than that, sure, there may be some prestiges; yet normally it is cancelled out with negative events. i don’t speak for everyone but at least that is my experience.
i wouldn’t hesitate to do everything again though. though i might do some things better.
this is by no means a review of the year since some of the epiphanies aren’t that “wild”.posting this slightly earlier as im moving in two days. there shall be nothing to add to this list in that window.
tasked to head a research at work that could be written into a master’s thesis…and i wasn’t even very near to writing my bachelor’s thesis
sharply refined my definition of “friendship”
being active in the Teenage Bounty Hunters fandom #Stepril
didn’t step foot in my homeland at all
saved more than 5 times on electricity bills just by showering less (i owed my electricity provider almost 1500€ in a 9 and a half months timeframe)
decided to ditch social engagements in the form of student associations
kinda achieved the little financial freedom to even be able to donate to charities
i think i kinda can cook now‽
actually made a Christmas cover and video with talented friends and my mediocre skills in everything under a week
played my top song of the year 556 times this year, it’s Deleter by Grouplove
got into a pretty much long-distance relationship
went mostly vegetarian; attempting a more vegan diet now
i played badminton without hurting myself
i was speaking with a friend last night, on Discord, which is one of the most interesting discoveries i had this year, they asked me how do i perceive 2020. then i realised that it was an okayish good year for me. sure there were still some dramas but the goodnesses outweighs it all.