First and foremost

Hi, this post opens the blog officially, so this is a virtual opening ceremony!

Damn do I not like myself; it took me more than a month to finally write the first bloody post on this site…procrastination rocks!

The initial idea of this blog is actually for it to be more philosophical but screw it, I’ll just write whatever I desire. As I also plan to delete my Facebook account in the (hopefully near) future, this would be a platform for me to bitch about things and share what I’m currently up to in my life.

Look at that bloody high ego. Who the deuce even cares about my life and what I have to say about things? Yeah I know, that’s why I don’t really like myself. It’s a pretty weird statement to make and I guess I should elaborate on it. Basically, I have been reading about stoicism a lot, because I am SO done with conventional faiths (sorry to a lot of you people).

I read a quote that went something like: “I know myself too well to like myself.” WOW, right. Yeah I don’t really like myself anymore, I wish that I was a better person than what I convey. I recently learnt about the Japanese concept of tatemae and honne. In a nutshell, tatemae means how people see you on the surface; whereas honne is what truly is in you. I suspect that a lot of Japanese don’t like their honnes too.

Even so, I am a normal human being who craves to be liked, so nope, I would not expose the dark sides of me so soon.  *evil grin*

So, welcome to my blog, where I write things in mostly English that might make you laugh/angry/cry/whatever.

Also, please like me for as long as you could!

You might not agree with my mode of thinking but that’s what this blog is for anyway, inspiring intellectual arguments so we can all advance metaphysically.

Please feel free to comment anything as I do appreciate constructive feedbacks! My grammars and language use are not perfect so yeah thank you in advance for pointing my errors out. 🙂

Yours truly,

Wei Yen

Puchong, MALAYSIA

unhinged

every time i see this word, i think of a door that isn’t attached to a frame. that’s the image that i usually associate it with.

but now that im feeling unhinged; instead of doing something productive like catching up on sleep; im contemplating this term.

i can’t tell if im feeling lightheaded because of a minor sleep deprivation, because im stopping antidepressants and therefore feeling nauseous, or because my mind is really unhinging itself from the rest of me.

to be honest, i don’t know why unhinged should commonly be used interchangeably with crazy. it looks too hinged to be unhinged.

so i propose an alternative: untethered. visually im seeing a kind of cord cut loose…cut free. although this word seems to be more widely used in other contexts, i think they should instead use unhinged in those situations.

“hey are you still stuck with that job?” “yes i am very hinged to it”
“are you together with that person?” “no we are unhinged from one another.”

im such a sucker for semantics.

i guess people normally describe someone as crazy when the subject seems to have no limits in the way that they act/think — their life philosophy is untethered to social conventions.

what im trying to say is, being crazy may actually be a way of being free.

three days left in this year. today is Tuesday.

wow i honestly have forgotten about this blog…did i even tell you that i was injured again? i feel like i have but im not sure; typing on the mobile app now so i can’t navigate that well

romantic friendships. interesting notion. “as we continue to generate alternatives to the traditional relationship model…” worth thinking about

quite lazy to have an end-of-the-year recap of what ive achieved, especially the only thing that’s fresh in my mind is that i spent the last quarter of the year being slightly handicapped and needing walking aids. here’s to an injury-free 2022 and forever. 🍻

oh, i have a blog

i honestly forgot the existence of this virtual property of mine (no i’m actually not sure which parts of this really belong to me but i do pay for something so i guess something does really belong to me).

the last post was my diary on my second last day in quarantine in Malaysia and i have been back in Germany for about four months now…an exam season is over and a new academic semester has started. i haven’t been doing a lot of productive things since the last update other than studying for exams, working on a compulsory group project, and playing badminton (and socialising, if that counts). oh, badminton. 

BADminton. i played in my first ever game season (league games aren’t very popular  where im from) so i was mighty excited but unfortunately im injured. again. and im completely out of the season and i didn’t even manage to play a quarter of the games…seriously…badminton was pretty much my therapy and of course the universe has to take it away from me. again. sigh, i can probably sulk for an entire book. but i will not, out of respect for my time and energy and your time and energy.

my english has gotten worse due to the lack of reading of high quality writings (and perhaps of too many low quality ones). now that i once again have more time, im picking up reading again. like, of real books that’s been proofread and so. and oh ive watched a few animes hahahah and i guess i am still slightly obsessed with Attack on Titan although i am temporarily abandoning the manga (i finished all of the currently available anime and the last part comes out on my birthday!)(if we consider the time zone differences). there are so much to watch, so much to read, so much to listen to, so much to play, so much to learn…so so so much to do, and if you were expecting me to end this sentence with “but so little time”, you are mistaken. 

i want to practice writing again for sure and i have a creative writing challenge idea that ive yet to execute, so, please stay tuned. 

BHK: day 11-12

hari kesebelas

remember i said i was having a games night? we ended up just chatting till almost 1:30am…and so i woke up pretty late and was basically just really tired the entire day. didn’t do much except chilling and doomscrolling.

i however showered four times though, because of allergies, godammit. i slept really late too because of the allergies and had to distract myself (with YouTube).

Fifty Shades was on the 10th place today.

bottom right: Duolingo asking me some really hard questions

hari keduabelas (idek if this is the correct spelling)

why are there so many insects in this room??? i have committed at least 5 murders today on ants (ant-icide?).

i rushed some tasks for the university project and had a meeting too. that is easily the most productive thing ive done today.

according to my rough estimations, i would need about 4 more bottles of water to survive if i were being discharged tomorrow around noon. they gave me 10 so i’m thinking of doing a drinking game with water. im watching Sexify later with my partner per Teleparty, maybe every time they say the word “sex” or imply something sexual??

ive also been starting to pack as if im really gonna go home tomorrow (it’s supposed to be till Sunday), it’s not like i unpacked a lot but im really looking forward to leaving this Allergy Dungeon filled with crawling and flying insects! i actually brought a bunch of scrap paper too but i only used like 10% of it hahahahhaa.

apparently my dad’s been spending his MCO (Movement Control Order; basically a lockdown) deep-cleaning my room hahahah, so im looking forward to going home!

Fifty Shades is not on the charts anymore!

bottom left: ordered chicken rice from Outside again! ; bottom left: ready for the drinking game!

PS: another two ant-icides happened while writing this.

Quaarantine Diaries: hari ke-9 & -10

i spent day nine in a pretty lethargic state throughout the day…

hari kesembilan

i had a university project meeting in the afternoon. i was still stuck with a thermodynamics problem. at night i rewarded myself for being a lazy twat to chicken rice, after a week of vegetarian meals.

the tops: really horrible meals. worst ones in the quarantine so far. ; bottom left: this was a GREAT meal and it was still mildly warm when i got it!; bottom right: #SnackOfTheDay

hari kesepuluh

a swab test is done on the 10th day of quarantine and there was a knock at about 7:30am and i thought i was late for it! but no…it was just breakfast. nevertheless i popped out of bed and had breakfast and did some studying, mixed with Netflix here and there. im watching Cuckoo and it’s actually weirdly hilarious and hilariously weird.

was summoned at about 11:30am to do the PCR test and i waited at the hallway for a few moments before i was joined by another 6 quarantine buddies and together with the POC we took the lift. though it was really short, it felt great to be able to put on shoes and see some people! after they verified my payment status, i had to go to another section to get my nostril pricked. it was different from the one that i did in Germany, the nurse or whoever she is kept going deeper and deeper into my right nostril then she kept saying “sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry…” as i was like: *cough* *cough cough* *cough cough cough* *COUGH* and my right eye was tearing up. however at the end of the ordeal i still assured her, while half-coughing and with tears, that “it’s okay.”

this in total took about 20 minutes, from when i was first called to being back in my quarantine space again. i also saw two guys, with whom i briefly chatted with when we arrived 10 days ago; we locked eyes and nodded and waved, without even a squeak. pretty weird how it was as if we thought that we weren’t allowed to speak.

today the registration for the AstraZeneca vaccination opens to younger people at states with the highest cases (mine). i am gonna get mine in Germany so i was helping a friend but the website pretty much jammed. and then i tried refreshing it and it wouldn’t even bring me to the registration page anymore. since i was really free, i pretty much stalked the Malaysians that i follow on Insta to see that everyone had the same problem ahahahhahaa. there are so many jokes on Twitter about it so my day was made. someone also called it AstraJenaka, “jenaka” meaning “joke” in Malaysian hahahahaha. which is why i spent quite some time on Twitter and Instagram today, witnessing how everyone is dissing the Malaysian government. i took a nap too.

i have a little games night with some friends later, this time with people in the same timezone. quite looking forward to it since i haven’t spoken to them for a long time too.

oh and i submitted my thermodynamics homework.

wow it took me 10 days to finally order bubble tea!