i feel stuck, not knowing what’s the best course of action. which is breaking my brain because i’d like to think that i am good at planning ahead and rationally.

i feel lost, not knowing where everything will lead to. while i am usually attuned to taking risks… i am now somewhere between being excited as hell and drowning in anxiety.

i feel empty, which might be the most contradictory thing i can currently feel because there is so much going on. you’d think that hollowness would mean calmness —— but it doesn’t.

i feel restless, which sounds like the opposite of the previous paragraph but surprisingly they can coexist. someone gave me a homemade remedy that helps with sleep (that is unfortunately illegal in most parts of Asia).

i feel lonely, which doesn’t make sense. i feel sad, but nothing in my life should make me feel that way. i feel pain; see previous explanation.

funny for me to write so much about things i allegedly “feel” when i was told the other day that i seem to have trouble recognising what i feel. oh wells, progress maybe?

is this all just a prelude to a transformation…? it does feel a bit ominous.

will i be a better person, or a certified asshole?