monday. first day of the new semester! very sunny. spring is here

just had my first online class in Zoom which was quite embarrassing cos i was the only one who had my video on (switched off right away after a friend told me), the only one who has a profile picture, and the professor falsely thought that i wanted to say something. oops. well, no time to slack anymore! time to go all in!

SKIMMED

so-called 10 best bodyweight exercises to do at home. idk man. you need something you can step up on, does a sofa work? and an empty wall. and maybe a pull-up bar. well.

security tips about Zoom for meeting organisers

READ

read some celebrity gossip through a clickbait with “Emma Watson” and “kink culture” in its title. good job.

detailed information about how the coronavirus might spread. and should we wear masks? yes we should. shit i barely have any

 

about dreams

today is my mom’s seventh death anniversary. she succumbed to cancer after three years of battling it. i post a tribute every year. i decided to repost here because at least here WordPress respects the spacings i used to format my text. 


 

recently, i dreamt a lot. some of them are very weird but some of them didn’t stray too far from reality…which is sometimes confusing. 

and some felt very real.

in the past year, i probably dreamt of my mom more than in all the previous years combined. maybe because i needed a mom more than ever. what would she do when she found out that her daughter broke an arm through a sport that she used to drive me to play? what would she say to me during this pandemic? would i even be in Germany if she was there? 

well i didn’t dream of anything like that. what i dreamt was us on trips, sometimes with the rest of the family. once we were at a theme park (i think) and once we were at a safari. the others i don’t remember. once my mom was quarrelling with my dad (no they didn’t do this often in real life) and i was just being quiet there like how a kid does. it felt very normal. it felt very real. 

then i woke up. 

it always takes a few moments for me to recalibrate and for me to realise: “oh, my mom is not alive anymore. it was just a dream. she’s not here and she’s not there.” 

and this keeps happening. it sucks to feel the void when i‘m conscious but how could i mind? 

all i need to do is go to sleep early. 

#sevenyears 

tuesday. sunnyyyyyyyyy. hi.

oh wow so ive disappeared for a few days cos ive been plagued (again) with crazy allergy and also i was making a bunch of calls to people who are half an Earth away. ive also watched a lot of TV #guiltyascharged 

but i’ve also been writing physical letters so that one day, when someone asks me what i did during the war against the coronavirus, i could say: “i had to resort to writing snail mails (which actually isn’t very snail-ey in Germany) and in each i wrote ‘i hope that things will be normal again soon, and that we can see each other again soon’.”

SKIMMED

what’s new on Netflix this week! so excited to see that Molly’s Game will be up! i watched it through halfway last year on the flight back to Malaysia from Amsterdam (a whopping 11hour flight) but cos i intentionally exhausted myself in the week leading to the flight, i slept a lot on the plane and couldn’t even finish one movie lol. oh and la casa de papel! yesssss.

there’s a new entertainment platform called Quibi which is designed for the phone (whatever that means) and they are releasing Anna Kendrick’s comedy… #takemymoney 

“tech projects to do instead of watching Netflix” lol this should be retitled as “how to organise your digital life during this lockdown”. but the bits about Raspberry Pi and repurposing old tech are technically projects. would love to do some Linux programming but oops too late, university starts again online next week ahahahahhaa

for people who want to watch online content virtually

 

READ

this Quibi thing sounds kinda interesting. and quite immersive. might be a cool way for certain artists to display their art in a new way

102 years ago it was the Spanish Flu. the key to flattening the curve is aggressive social distancing. that’s the key point of the article with statistics to support the notion

how the coronavirus could drastically alter urban life. yet another time-worth read from The Guardian

 

WATCHED

what is Rick and Morty doing with this Japanese samurai and grisly video

what i’ve done in the 8 months or so in my “second gap year” : a Report

note: i can't believe i didn't publish this in 2018 lololol. i decided to not edit it (thus the present tense). well i went to Singapore and Indonesia after this post and read a few more books. that's about it.

It’s been 259 days since I came home from almost a year of being more than 10000km away, submerged in a completely different climate, culture, and language.

I was asked multiple times since: “Are you working or studying?”

I answered: “Neither.”

So from the persona I portray on social medias, people assume that I’m doing nothing, aka wasting my time and squandering my dad’s money (uh yes, I’m kinda a spoiled brat) and just having fun. Some people also thought that I stopped studying to travel (that’s a great idea actually except my wanderlust isn’t that big).

Well, I’m not trying to prove you wrong but I’m gonna remind myself about what I’ve actually done; this is a self-reflection and welcome to part of my world.


I have visited four Malaysian cities: Penang, Kampar, Ipoh, Malacca; and four countries: Australia, Japan, China, Hong Kong. I wasn’t home for approximately 43 days. Don’t ask me for my favourite city/country.

I met some very cool and nice people from everywhere in the world, and managed to engage in deep conversations with several of them. In contrast, there are Malaysians with whom I could not get over an exchange of formalities, even if we’ve known each other for ages.

I am trying to run a business to help people save time deciding what to wear, and mostly am broke because of this. It’s not really working because I made it hard to even decide what to buy. Well, I gotta learn. And I’m getting help. So wish me luck. And also please like the page on Facebook and follow it on Instagram, that would be much much much appreciated and thanks in advance! Oh yeah, my friends get a special discount code; ask and you shall receive.

I read 26 books (and actively reading two books) and also a bunch of articles. Mostly about philosophy and business, stuff completely unrelated to what I would be studying because why not.

I kinda learnt to read Hiragana and Katakana, two of the Japanese scripts. I’m determined to learn the language but…nah…I’m lazy. The same thing happened with French although with French, the pronunciation is still screwing me up.

I sent way too many postcards and festival cards that I think I can write a pretty accurate review of postal services of the countries I’ve been to. I definitely have enough knowledge of the postal products to work at a Malaysian post office.

I missed seven birthday bashes and am about to miss an eighth one…I am forever sorry.

I was briefly obsessed with rhythmic gymnastics and spent four full days camping at the stadium and then randomly getting an invitation to attend the gala dinner. Oh it was fun and disastrous.

I got a tattoo.

I spent a lot of time with my dad and my grandmother, and I think that’s something I will cherish in the future. My brother? He doesn’t want to spend time with me. But he said that he would buy me a PS4 controller and a game I want so I can play. Yay.

I started going to mental health therapy. I’m still not comfortable to disclose the details openly but I might tell you about it privately.

I watched a lot of films and TV and I also read about good films and good TV so I know what a good motion picture should be like but unfortunately most of what is on a screen is crap.

I somehow still manage to German. I’m super glad that I met (a lot of) Germans in Australia.

I gained a better appreciation for art, whether in the form of words, audios, visuals, and whatever.

I lost about 5kg. I’m not entirely sure how that happened and also I’m feeling more positive about my body image. Also, never ever call someone fat, you don’t know the full story.

I got an invitation to do the entrance exam at my dream university in Switzerland but ultimately had to decline it because…I don’t want to say. The university was the main reason why I acquired the German language. It’s a tough decision emotionally to let go of this dream, but oh, #life.

I learnt to make peace with the fact that, no matter how close two persons were; either platonically or romantically; things can change and it only requires the decisions of one side to make that change and unfortunately I am most of the time on the receiving end.

I kept in touch (or tried to keep in touch) with friends who are in about eight different time zones. The worst difference I’ve ever experienced was 17 hours…damn. Time zone differences is very weird but the best thing is always having someone to talk to no matter what time it is. It’s also amazing how I talk more to some friends who are hundreds of nautical miles away than some friends who stay a few minutes away in the same city.

I befriended a person who shares the same surname as me! She’s the first person I know with that surname who isn’t family (our surname, 管 , is very rare). How cool right!!!

I cold-emailed and cold-tweeted at people I find interesting, normally with no response, so I might be better at dealing at rejections now, however…

I shared a brief correspondence with some people in Hollywood.

I was rejected by the school in Germany where I’ll be studying in and spent two weeks in Japan checking my email inbox every day for a reply from my appeal. 12 hours after landing home from Tokyo, I got accepted after making a 10 minutes phone call. I wish I could give credit to my persuading skills but the truth is, they misconverted my grades before.

I started this blog.


I could not be happier to say that I’m going to Germany next month to start the next chapter of my life; the past two years were definitely wonderful interludes.

thursday. it is very sunny again. 1°C. so cold.

i went out to get disinfectants and groceries. at 7.55am. lolololol. the city looks dead and there were notices on almost every shops/restaurants that they’re closing because of the virus outbreak, but some restaurants do takeouts. can’t wait for my döner fix on Saturday! i was with a friend and then a police car appeared behind us and we quickly distanced ourself cos we’re supposed to be at least 1.5m apart. hahahhaahahhaa. that was funny.

READ

well, it’s not just the health and social issue, since stock markets crashed too. and of course it could affect politics. behold the coronavirus. i want to grow up to be like it too.

this is. a masterpiece. weird and engaging enough to keep people reading, and somehow it manages to pack some wisdom in it. i don’t really know how to describe this piece but maybe this: another way to think about the SARS-CoV-2 outbreak 

how are Italians coping during the quarantine. it’s a heartwarming read. i coped today by making gnocchi from scratch. it’s quite satisfying but i ain’t making another batch again anytime soon

 

Wednesday. it is SO sunny. im #stayinghome

so im in a clique of three and yesterday one of them asked: the weather is great tomorrow! let’s go for a jog??

another friend: we aren’t allowed to be in groups of three…

me: i’m gonna stay home and hide from the sun

WATCHED

Italians eating frozen pizzas

and they ate frozen pasta too

and they tried an American restaurant that serves Italian food

READ

good news, not only is sexuality fluid, personality is fluid! we can change for the better!

tuesday. what happened today.

had bad allergy attacks and was pretty much just trying to stay alive and slept. didn’t do much.

WATCHED

Boss Baby Season3 on Netflix

Life of the Party on Netflix. i generally watch TV when im eating.

READ

well, so Italians (and i think a lot of other people) are distracting themselves by dating online during this tumultuous times. hmm. technically in Germany we can still date cos two persons are allowed to be seen together in public; as long as there is a 1.5m distance in beween us….hmm…

Unstoppable: My Life So Far by Maria Sharapova. already had so much respect for her before this. even much more after knowing more details of her story. wow. and Maria Sharapova could write!