one day i would die in such a dumb way that you couldn’t feel sad for me cos it’s so ridiculous

In 4 days I’ve managed to do some very dumb (but luckily pretty minor) things that could demonstrate my skills in being so clumsy that one day i would die in such a dumb way that you couldn’t feel sad for me cos it’s so ridiculous.


  • So I’ve cut fingers with a knife twice in two months now, that makes it an average of once per month. It’s not a very shallow cut and some flesh is missing and there was an amount of blood but ya im still alive. Handicap-level was quite high though I cut my left hand cos I could barely shower and do dishes without feeling pain and coincidentally i was smart enough to host parties at my place so i had to make my guests wash the plates, #BestHostEver .

 

  • I choked while showering. Don’t ask me how.
  • I sprained my ankle very badly this morning cos i wanted to wake up to kill the alarm clock but somehow i twisted my ankle. While being half conscious. I think it was because my legs were numb beforehand so my leg isn’t correctly aligned? And I panicked because of that annoying alarm so boom, I’m jumping around my house on my other good foot. Handicap level is mega high cos i can barely move without feeling pain at the swollen fat ankle.

First update came just two days after i published the original. i really am gonna kill myself soon am i? It’s Thursday and I haven’t left my residence since Monday night because of the sprained ankle. However, I’m feeling a lot of love from my friends; neighbours helping me buy stuff from the city and checking on me, friends coming over to study with me and accompanying me, and generally a lot of kind messages and tips on healing my ankle.  Life is great. Okay not really cos there’s snow outside and i really wanna have a real snowball fight but i can barely run.

  • the reason why i’ve been reluctant to leave my home is because i’d have to put on shoes cos it’s cold outside (at home in Malaysia it’s perfectly fine with slippers) but my classmate and i saw people building a snowwoman (we know it’s a woman because she has long hair. sorry i don’t have a picture) so i had to go out. In slippers.  My extremities were so frozen that it hurt for a long while even when I got into the warmness of my house. so yeah. DUMB. But also, because of the freezing cold, i walked more normally in the snow cos my feet were numb.

 


This post will be updated as I gather more convincing proofs that one day i would have a tearless funeral.

“It’s my birthday”

At the supermarket yesterday, while we were loading the things to the belt, the cashier was just looking at us and not scanning any of the products and smiling weirdly, then i realised that alcohol was the first thing in line so i quickly went over and said:
 
“oh hi do you need to see my ID? Here is my passport” (yes i am well prepared)
 
and she’s like: (while smiling tenderly)
 
“it’s fine, these aren’t liquors and you are allowed to buy these when you’re 16 and i think you look older than 16 but liquors are allowed when you are 18
*and then she saw that there was indeed liquor behind*
*so she paused and studied my face again*
hmm okay…errrr..i guess you are 20?? so that’s also okay, you can purchase them”
 
Then I said: “er well it’s my birthday today and i’m actually 22 now”
 
She: “AHHH THEN THAT IS COMPLETELY FINE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND HAVE FUN!!!!”



I bumped into a friend on the street.

Me: HIIII HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She: ohhh happy new year to you too!!!…and merry christmas!
Me: haha thank you! It’s my birthday too today.
She: ahhhh and happy birthday then!
That’s how you kill three birds with one stone.


The question is: is it weird going around to say that??

Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22!!!!!



#iRadfahrer

To those who can’t German, “Radfahrer” means “cyclist”. So I bought a used bike that costs, like, RM750. I miss life in a developing country. I got a bike because the bus connections at where I live sucks and I hate adhering to schedules not written by me, so yeah. This is a diary and would be published once I could safely say that I am a professional cyclist here.


DAY 1

It’s the bicycle flea market today here in Aachen, it’s held once a month I think. I went there with my Buddy, who helped me check the bike and helped me save 25Euros (about RM125). I got a 20Euros lock too because bike theft is rampant here apparently.

I am very confused as to which traffic lights I should follow, the one for the cars, or the one for pedestrians, what I did just now was to follow the one that allowed me to cross first without endangering my life. The bike has a weird brake system where all I have to do is to try to pedal backwards, which was scary for me while I was cruising on the roads because I have the strange habit of pedalling backwards (when going down a slope) with a more normal bicycle. Basically what I mean is that I did a few emergency brakes without wanting to do it and nearly fell down.

It was a 20 minute ride and it’s very warm today, 26 degrees and very sunny. And I didn’t expect so much uphill rides. SO. MANY. I AM SO EXHAUSTED. On the bright side, that means I will be working out every day.

***

I cycled back at night too and luckily the roads weren’t too busy. I am still not sure where to cycle when there’s no cycling paths. I nearly bumped into someone on a street that I’m not sure if cycling was allowed.

I was speaking to a Dutch girl while we were waiting for the traffic light to turn red though there was no one around,  #iEchteDeutsche . I nearly fell down twice cos I forgot that my brake system is different now and Nice Dutch Girl wanted to stop a few times to make sure that I was okay. I also accidentally rang the bell at a few (possibly drunk) people and they looked up shocked and I apologised immediately and we all laughed. Hahaha.

I was super fine. Just a little exhausted from the uphill cycles…

DAY 2

I’ve been fumbling a little with the lock. It’s kinda annoying.

When I was cycling back just now, my eyes were so dry I couldn’t keep it open so I was essentially blind cycling…sort of. I was so glad to see a red traffic light and forced myself to yawn, that did the trick to moisturise my eyes a little.

It’s almost mid-October but I was sweating from the ride back. Am I too fat or because it’s really warm?? Hmm. We will never know.

DAY 3

I nearly fell asleep at a friend’s place and it’s Monday but I’m absolutely exhausted trololololol. Anyway I made it home safely yay.

DAY 4

My leg muscles hurt a lot. 😦

Initially my plan was to cycle a whopping three times home today and then fear took over and I took the bus instead and cycled home only once and it was faster than the days before. I’m happy.

DAY 7

I didn’t ride the bike home cos I was too exhausted to cycle. It’s parked somewhere in the city centre.

DAY 9

My bike has been parked in the city centre for two nights now and it’s the weekend but I’m lazy. I’m starting to miss the bikey. Mega exhausting day cos we had a party at 8.30am in my room lol.

DAY 11

The weather is getting cold, like super cold and people were in winter jackets and stuff but cycling makes me produce so much body heat that I end up sweating by the time I got home. Also my body seems to be more conditioned towards the terrain so it’s less exhausting now but still exhausting.

DAY 13

Was at a friend’s friend’s place for a Malaysian dinner (first time I had Malaysian food in over a month!!!) and dreaded the ride home because it felt very cold and I thought that I could have fallen asleep there. Nevertheless, through reckless cycling (who cares about the law at night) (the Germans do), and very very very brute force, I made it home.

I have to learn to love these hills.

DAY 26

I haven’t been cycling much last week because autumn was finally here and it was raining and cold, but also because I went to parties and was too lazy to cycle (also because the weather was shitty). And I actually stayed home a lot that’s why I didn’t need the bike.

Today I cycled again and I’m getting more good at this #iRadfahrer thing because I no longer have that awkward pause when I start peddling, like I needed the pedals to be at a certain position; mainly because I have short legs too. I am also able to swiftly transition from being on the wheels to getting down and start walking the bike; usually when the traffic lights turned red, I’d become a pedestrian and continue cycling again after I cross the road. I don’t know if this was legal and I don’t intend to find out.

DAY 41

the weather is getting really cold now and there was a strong wind and i nearly veered off. brrrrrrrrrrrrrr

DAY 58

honestly haven’t been cycling much cos im lazy though i always blame the weather. Anyway i think i can call myself a Radfahrer now because:

  • i chose to cycle to class today instead of walking to a bus stop further away when the bus didn’t come and no one knew why (bloody Aachener buses!!!)
  • a classmate who’s originally from Aachen, who cycles regularly went like: “WHAT????” when i told her that i cycled to class today cos it was raining and cold; she doesn’t cycle that much anymore too
  • i wanted to buy eggs but i decided against it cos i. wanted. to. cycle. home. So i went home with spring onions and paprika and some books tucked into my backpack that made the ride more difficult because of the extra weight. On top of that, it started bloody raining after i started pedalling and i didn’t have my hoodie up and i was wearing gloves and i had to cycle like a drunkie while trying to wear the hoodie with a gloved hand while also using the other hand to try to maintain control on a slippery road.
  • i didn’t die from the above incident

I don’t think I can call myself a professional cyclist yet cos I’m still reluctant to get a helmet and reflecting safety lights but at least now I can safely say that it’s hard to kill me on the Aachener roads now.


okay bye this is the end of this post that took 58 days to write.

 

 

cos i had a bad day

though i actually don’t feel that bad but it’s actually bad. why am i so optimistic. anyway it’s late so this is gonna be a listicle.


BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY (November 12, 2018):

  • Belgian train delays en route back to Aachen. The trains were never on time anyway.
  • my bolster broke open and most of its inner organs came out while i washed it in the washing machine. i am so sad. the bolster has been with me for almost 15 years i think. i’m gonna be a surgeon and sew the wound. but tomorrow.
  • i bought a cork board to better organise my stuff and i also bought Sugru for that matter but the board was too heavy and i spent 30 minutes trying to fix it on my wall and ultimately gave up which is shitty cos there are now stains on my wall and an unhanged cork board.
  • i didn’t get a cheese cloth to sieve my honey oat vodka so i had to do it manually by hand. for a longgggg time. feeling so dumb.
  • a bus driver got out of his bus to scold me cos apparently i was cycling to close to the bus.
  • i normally look forward to receiving letters in the mail but today i got one that notifies me that i have to pay some taxes. worse thing is, they didn’t even spell my full name out and got my gender wrong. how dare they ask me for money if they don’t even respect my basic identity.
  • freaking drying machine didn’t work
  • i accidentally locked myself out of the room while returning some stuff to a friend. the problem could be easily solved cos i know the caretaker well. but. there is always a but. BUT lazy ass me has the habit of leaving my key in the keyhole so i don’t misplace them anywhere else in the room so my key was left in the keyhole and the replacement key wouldn’t work. that’s why the caretaker had to pry open my door (he did it in less than 30 seconds) and i have to pay a fine tomorrow.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE:

  • i had a great weekend in Belgium though i spent too much money and calories.
  • i managed to do some home improvement stuff
  • i did rock-climbing!! it was soooooooo funnnnnnn i can’t wait to go again
  • i handed in my homework on time
  • i have great friends!!!

The First Week of University

lame ol’ title cos i don’t have the time nor energy for a better one. then i should write when i think of something better? well, then, this would never be written. 


I’ve been in Aachen for about two and a half weeks in total but it feels much longer than that, though I still rely on Google Maps and Apple Maps to get to places. I walk and run (to chase the buses) and take the buses a lot. I’m gonna get a bike soon cos the public transport isn’t punctual lol. Apparently cos some buses come from the Netherlands and Belgium. Haha.

I understood about 60% of the class because damn, it’s so bloody hard to learn something in another language!!! It’s kinda depressing…but i’ll get through it. I hope. There are about 70+ of us in this course, one of the smallest groups in the university; the most popular course, Mechanical Engineering, has like, 1500 students.

I spoke mostly in Mandarin dammit, why are there so many Mandarin-speaking people here?????? I had troubles understanding and expressing myself in German on the first few days, but now I’m starting to ghost Chinese people and befriend Germans so it could only be better from now. Yay.

I obtained a Bachelor of Beer certificate on my first day of university hahahahhaahhahahahaha. We had to drink ten beers in ten different bars in 9 hours but we finished it in 4.5 hours aahhahahahaha we are amazing ngehehehehhehehehhehe i can’t wait to be a double degree student wahahahahhahahaha i’m gonna list this on my CV.

I joined the juggling club. I understand the idea of it but my stupid arms cannot work like a robot…I hope I can join our seniors soon to play!!!

I was chosen to be the “Social Coordinator” of the Chinese-German Society, aka as “Party Coordinator”. Time to show China some Malaysian-Chinese culture.

The other Malaysians here are super amazing and we all had fun confusing the shit outta everyone when we speak in Mandarin and English. MALAYSIA BOLEH! Most of them are from Penang, or that part of the country, how surprising. And we are planning to start a Malaysian Club!


I told myself and a few close friends a few months ago that I wanted to be antisocial in uni..IT IS NOT WORKING.

 

 

 

Farewell.

In the past two years, I have had to bid farewell too many times; either temporarily, eternally, or it-might-be-temporary-but-could-be-eternal-too-ly.


Before that, the major goodbyes that I had to say were on the last day of primary school, the day my mom died, and the last day of secondary (high) school, spanning five years.

What do you mean by major goodbyes?

The case with my mom, that’s obvious. As for others, my school mates and teachers, it could be goodbye forever unless we make an effort to keep in touch and try to see each other again. Major goodbyes also consists of leaving a physical location and a phase of life. For me, mostly people though.


Yet in the last two years, the rate of Goodbyes for me increased tremendously; I’m not talking about some random stranger I met on a random day, I mean people that I have had the chance to form an emotional attachment to; places that I’ve lived in (different from a short getaway, this typically means living somewhere for at least 2 weeks and leading a normal life, doing non-touristy things but human things); stages of my life where after I completed the current activity that’s beneficial to my future, I would never ever repeat that activity again. Allow me to elaborate.

PEOPLE

I believe this is self-explanatory. Surely you have experienced that feeling of sadness and heartbreak.

I am lucky to have the chance make friends from all over the world. I met most of them while studying German in Germany, over there, a course typically runs for a month or two months; I did two two-month courses and three one-month courses, so five courses; some people were only there for a course or two. I was meeting new people at the beginning of every course but I also had to say goodbyes at the end of every course. A lot of my friends back home wouldnt be able to relate because how could I be so heartbroken for people I’ve just known for a month or two? Well, try seeing the same people every day during 80% of your waking hours. Some maths: so a normal human is probably awake for 16 hours per day (going by the 8 hour per night guideine), 80% will be 11.4 hours, per day. Sounds a lot? Because it is. Most of my classes started at 8.30am and ended at 1pm, we hung out during breaktimes too. Then we had lunch together. After lunch normally we split up and went back to our own rooms to mind our own businesses. Then we’d have teatimes. Then dinner. And more hanging out after dinner. That’s a shit ton of time spent together with someone I’ve just met.

In contrast, back in the school days in Malaysia, I was basically just home after school and the only times I got to see my friends and talk nonsense were during recesses, co-curricular activities, and maybe weekend meetups but that was rare cos we couldn’t drive yet. It’s actually not a lot of time. I’m trying to say that I might have spent more time in a month in Germany with someone new in my life than someone back home whom I’ve known since primary school.

Oops sorry this turned out more long-winded than I expected. Back to it.

So there’s five goodbyes just at the language institutes in Germany. And I met some of the people again but we had to say goodbye again and honestly that really sucked. Through my solo trips this year to Australia, Japan, Singapore, and Indonesia, I’ve had to bid more farewells because really, when would I see any of those people again?

I also had to remove some people from my life, normally toxic people but sometimes, just friends who grew apart. Think about it…these might be unspoken goodbyes. Sad. Yet I have no control over these things.

PLACES

Last year, I left Freiburg im Breisgau where I spent a total of six months three times; I cried on every occasion. It literally broke my heart every time but I suspect that most of it has got to do with the people I met there. People again. Darn it.

Leaving Germany in November was another odd farewell. Though I was sure that I’d be back in within a year, I couldn’t help but felt an emptiness in my heart while boarding the plane.

Gaining a better appreciation of people and life, I also had little twitches in my heart when having to depart from Australia, Japan, China, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Indonesia. Although I might have complained about things, the question that would pop into my mind whenever I’m on my way to the airport was: When would I see these places again?

PHASE OF LIFE

From being a baby to going to the kindergarten, then primary school, then secondary school, then college/pre-uni; those are different life phases. Most people I grew up with follow the same trajectory up till the end of secondary school, then we all diverged. Some  went to university, some started working. I studied Cambridge Advanced-Levels. Most of my coursemates went to study right after while I learnt the German language. The past nine months or so being home is essentially a gap year, which I’m glad that I used to gain more life experiences. I’m blessed in so many ways and am grateful for it.

After this, I’m starting university; two years later than most peers; but I’d be there. I cannot imagine the life after studies though…at this point I’ve spent more than three quarters of my life studying I cannot visualise anything without it. Ha. Ha.


 

I looked forward into starting the new life but now that it’s really happening, I find myself sad. It’s a weird mix of feelings.

Sad to leave my family and friends here, sad to leave the previous phase of life (the #foreveralone phase), sad to leave Malaysia.

This is one of my worst writings, possibly because of my laborious attempt to transition to German time while being in Malaysia…I am sleep deprived. Also it took me more than a month to write this and this is a last minute finish. Mmm, gotta have better writing strategies after this.

Thank you for reading if you’ve made it to here.


Fare well.

Malaysia vs Indonesia

So today was my first day at the Asian Games in Jakarta, Indonesia and I watched the badminton quarterfinals, there were two Malaysian men’s doubles pairs left in the game.

My idea was to find the Malaysian group to cheer for our players because the Indonesian crowd is always crazyyyyyyy and I was certain that there would be a group for sure. Nope. So I was surrounded by a bunch of Indonesians during the first Malaysia vs Indonesia match and didn’t dare to cheer loudly lols. But I saw a man with our flag and a small drum at the opposite hahahaha, very hardcore.

So for the second match, I decided to join the man at the opposite side. When I got there, he wasn’t there but I saw the Malaysian flag so I sat in front of that flag. When the second Malaysia vs Indonesia match was starting, he came back.

Me: hi are you Malaysian?

Him: yeah you too?

Me: ya i saw you from the opposite so i decided to join you cos i was alone there

Him: oh okay okay come come. So we have a very important job here, we are ambassadors of our country now. So there are three components okay, we have the flag, the kompang (a small drum), and the loudspeaker. So when I hit the drum, you will wave the flag okay. You have to wave it because then the camera will record us. And then we have to do some PR work [there was another hardcore Indonesia supporter beside us] to let the other people at the stadium know that we have good relations. Also we have to save our voice cos there’s only the two of us so I will start yelling through the microphone when it quiets down and you’ll wave the flag and yell too, okay?

Me: okay.

After that I had the most fun I’ve had in a while, I think it was more fun than supporting our players with the home crowd in Malaysia.

Every time the Malaysians won a point, he will hit his kompang then yell “MALAYSIA BOLEH!” and I’ll raise the flag and wave it frantically and yelled the same stuff. Then the stadium will be roaring with “IN-DO-NE-SIA” to drain our cheers out.

Needless to say, we attracted a lot of attention: some people were filming us, some people yelled with us, most of them booed at us, and I think we were captured on TV. Soon after, the crowd seemed to realise that we’d shout our motto whenever it quieted down…so after a while there was basically no more silent slots for us to slot in our yells of encouragement.

In the end, it wasn’t just Malaysia vs Indonesia on the court, but also Malaysia vs Indonesia off court, though it was the 2 of us against possibly thousands The Malaysians lost the badminton matches; idk about the latter.