basically i spend the weekend petrified and appalled by the life and fate of Lisa Montgomery, the first woman to be executed by the US in nearly 70 years (wow i sound like a real journalist but that’s because ive seen the same lines too many times in my “research”). i think i read about half of the 184page social history of hers. her story is definitely the most horrible one ive ever read — and ive read a lot about serial killers and other gruesome murders — it is so bad that it practically kept me up at night and i had trouble falling asleep over the weekend. she is gone now forever and maybe her Heaven is a much better place for her. just wanna say that: i think her crime is bad and she was definitely guilty, but i don’t think she deserves to be killed by her country like that, especially after they failed her her entire life. i cannot and i don’t think i will ever comprehend her execution, nor her broken life. i am sorry
due to sleep deprivation in the past days, my nap was almost 1.5 hours today lol
only did 5 minutes because my mind and heart have been too heavy and i have trouble concentrating. 15.5 breaths
actually planned to finish a unit a day on Duolingo (just to Level 1 so i unlock a new unit) but i was so tired i took the aforementioned long nap, which should actually be categorised as sleep
worked through my professor’s code examples and tried to solve a coding challenge. not done yet but oh am i tired
well it took me till Wednesday to realise that i switched off my extra alarm for some reason during the weekend and Apple Watch just can’t wake me up…today i snoozed for two hours cos i was too sleepy. dammit. i think i require more than an hour to wind down and chill before being able to fall asleep.
this is a weird mental block that i have: that when i wake up late, i feel like the day has already been ruined and it’s hard for me to do things that i have to. but now it’s getting better. like i had to go to the hospital yesterday and still managed to watch some uni videos in the afternoon. i guess im getting better but this mental block pretty much fills my head with negative sentiments that i just…don’t feel like doing anything.
if there was anything that i have learnt about such things (yeah i couldn’t put a name to it cos i just woke up and my brain doesn’t even want to express its unsolicited opinions) is that i can fight it. so piss the fuck off, phrenic demons aka productivity murderers.
anyway, i think i’ll reset the challenge and restart on January 18th, 2021. to April 28th, 2021 (my brother’s birthday!). Each day counts even if things were not achieved (and there would be failed #ofCode days, considering the exam season in about a month and i have other exams to prepare). #ofwakingupearly , #ofMeditation , and #ofFrench will go on.
my name is Wei Yen, and it’s just the second week of the new year, and my resolutions have failed. i don’t want to quit though. i will try again.
so i settled for: a day wouldn’t count as a day when more than one task isn’t completed. hopefully no more lost days from now through April!
wow i am wondering how long this adrenaline will last
30.5 breaths. horrible. really irregular breathing pattern.
my main question is: do people who fall into this category (whose birthday fall within the first two weeks of a year) fail their new year resolutions more often than others? because we also have to celebrate our birthdays? and Christmas and the New Year’s Eve and the New Year were just less than three weeks ago?? or do i celebrate more extravagantly than others? (i don’t think so, i kinda only had a dinner planned)
but as seen in my #100DaysOf experiment, i basically am failing to do anything productive on the day before, on The day, and now the day after. i essentially gave myself a 3 day break. and it’s not like im partying or anything —we are in a pandemic anyway, so i am mostly alone — but i really just feel like chillin’.
i tried to adhere to my plans, which mostly consists of studying but i couldn’t focus, almost at all. and the weird thing is, i wasn’t even thinking about anything else; my brain just didn’t want to focus. puh.
as such i feel like restarting my #100DaysOf challenge on Monday. (am i the only one who feels a strong need to start things on mondays???) or should i just continue it??? but with Day 3??? i’ll think about it when my brain agrees to thinking about it. hopefully tomorrow.
idk if this applies to everyone or just an idiosyncrasy of mine. i actually know people with birthdays from January 1 through 18, but alas, i just want to chill and not send surveys. i also should start replying to the wishes that i haven’t replied to….but i just want to chill mannnnn.
some (fun) facts about my birthday, which i think is the most interesting date ever (at least for me) (but i think i also speak for a North Korean maybe)
- it’s January 8th.
- so for people who share my birthday, we celebrate Christmas, New Year and our birthday on three consecutive weeks on the same day. (i always tell people that my birthday is exactly two weeks after Christmas and exactly a week after the New Year)
- famous people who share our birthday: Elvis Presley, Stephen Hawking, David Bowie
- but in recent years, i like to say Kim Jong-Un (leader of North Korea). i often said: “ha! the entire North Korea celebrates my birthday!” however, after really checking yesterday, i am horrified to learn that they don’t celebrate it at all. 😦 we can’t know for sure why but speculations include that it is too cold and too expensive to hold lavish celebrations…okay…
- it is a day after the Orthodox Christmas!
- and i just did a search to find out if there is anything else that is interesting about this day and LOL there is something called Typing Day …that is conceptualised and held in my homeland…what a coincidence.
- other coincidences that happened this week: on Spotify’s Discover Weekly, which i started listening to because i don’t want my top songs 2021 to be something from 2020 trolololol, there is a song called Memphis by Kitten (which is eerily also playing in the background as i type this) which has the lyrics “im 24”, my current age. wow.
- Netflix released a new French series and i had a Netflix Party for it haha. it’s a mix of Sherlock and Money Heist but French which also managed to be a comedy. 5 more episodes to go but im loving Netflix’s present to me.
- it was finally winter wonderland here yesterday where i stay and yes, i’ll take it as the Universe’s birthday present to me cos the whiteness has almost vanished completely today
it’s my birthday today and yes i do let that be an excuse to be shitty
failed on day 3 cos i had a (virtual) games night with friends the evening before and got too excited and couldn’t fall asleep.
last night i was at a friend’s place, who is pretty much my neighbour.
lesson learnt: be alone and wind down in peace at night
28.5 breathes on day 3. hahaha day 4 is such a disaster
i finally have bright lights at home!
snoozed a little but woke up too. pretty tired.
it was definitely less than 1.5hours but it’s something. just day 2 and i have lowered my standards to “no zero days” is fine too
31 breaths. the first 5 minutes were pretty good and then bye bye
day 1 was eventful. im having muscle soreness from IKEA furniture lol
kinda hit snooze but a minute later i was up cos i was terrified of something unknown. feeling very groggy and made a cuppa. probably taking a nap in a bit
quite good but got interrupted by homemaking assistances…and my home is not even near yet being a home. really pissed at IKEA now
holy crap i missed it. oh well, let’s try again tomorrow
why is there a day 0 you ask? cos i failed on the first day. LOL. anyway, might be nice to lay down some bright-line rules. it sounds crazy to tackle three things at the same time, but they all kinda complement each other, so why not.
practically overslept for three hours because my Apple Watch didn’t wake me up successfully….uhhhhhhhhhh. well for tomorrow im setting an extra alarm.
basically this means no snoozing and jumping right out of sofa (for now) when the alarm rings. nothing crazy here
no studying (reading, watching videos) programming but real coding. for the first few weeks i’d have to busy myself with my professor’s code examples. then Codecademy. at least 1.5 hours a day.
10 minutes of mindfulness, that’s all.