instead of obsessing over human beings, i have been obsessed with processes. neither is inherently healthy. (however, obsessing over people is usually free; though at the cost of something else)

there is an ongoing quest to gauge my physical ceiling. now that i am back in europe with an obviously cooler climate, i was wondering if it was easier to train here due to lower temperature, lesser air pollution and thinner air. the easiest way i thought of was to run a 5K in both countries… the problem is, i did not manage to finish even one in malaysia lol. while i know that i definitely have the endurance to finish it, my brain just refused to stay bored for the entire length and thus sent signals to stop my legs. ugk.

the first two weeks in malaysia was very tough on my lungs and my heart rate zone was constantly in zone 5 even when i barely moved. it is not much easier now in germany cos it’s a little too cold?? i had a brain freeze last week when i felt an intense pressure in my head like it wanted to explode, probably because i was breathing in too much cold air too fast. i am almost at my two weeks mark back here so maybe things would get easier starting next week. working out here currently feels tougher since i am training alone, instead of being surrounded by friends/other gymgoers like in malaysia. so apparently peer pressure works quite well for me, which is kinda toxic maybe but hey i’ll take it. it’s a little annoying because there are too many different variables so i don’t think i can reliably conclude that it is indeed easier to push your body under more relenting conditions.

since my instagram has already turned fitness into my personality, i’ll stop here.

another thing that i’ve been obsessed with is coffee-making, which is super unexpected. i used to have a longwinded explanation as to why i usually abstain from coffee and usually order decaf when available. my body is extremely sensitive towards caffeine and i experienced many sleepless nights due to bubble tea too LOL. so i was only using coffee sparingly at times as a tool to keep myself awake for when i absolutely had to be productive. regular-sized coffees usually make me nauseous, feel like throwing up, cause palpitations and sometimes even anxiety. therefore i started experimenting with brewing my own coffee. a normal serving consists of 18-20g of coffee beans; i do 6g portions. the easiest way to prepare this is to manually grind the beans and then use a sort of filter to extract the flavour. it sounded easy. until my daily brew tasted differently every day because. there. is. so. much. more. to. it.

pouring method. grind size. brewing method. brewing time. bean type. beans-to-water ratio. i also acquired a scale with 0.1g sensitivity for this purpose. what?? why do i care??? unfortunately for me, this, too, is turning into a part of my personality because almost everyone i saw in the past 1.5 months had to listen to me talk or mention about coffee. for someone who drinks a baby dosage of 6g two to three times a week —— i spend way too much time thinking, talking and learning about it. i think part of it is because i enjoy the process of making it, so i have been offering a cuppa to anyone who would entertain me.

brb, trying to find out the best beans, grind size, water temperature, pouring sequence etc to make the perfect cup.

i wonder if these are just escapades for me to avoid real life issues. oh well, let’s see how long they last.