turning through

This feeling of uncalmness,

i-don’t-feel-like-myself-ness;

is threatening to demolish my fortress,

the one of self-dependent toughness.

Negativity-spreading is my new big thing,

perhaps i need a new fling;

no, really it’s not good timing,

can’t risk what it may bring.

Stop, please stop,

i think i’m gonna pop,

what’s it like at the top,

do i still have a shot

I am so filled with ruth,

i need help is the truth,

but to look for people who could soothe,

i’m not sure if it’s a good move.

I thought i’ve became stronger,

much less vulnerable,

yet in fact i am still incapable

to bear the fruit of my labour.

A Collection of Heartbreak Quotes by Yours Truly

For when you are sad because of this emotion called LOVE


  1. That part of my heart that belongs to you might shrink in the future; but it will always be there.

  2. In life, you’ll have love stories. Most of them would be sad stories, but you only need one happy story. I used to think that we could be a happy love story.

  3. Humans and heartbreaks, a package; Sometimes we, be gladly damaged.

  4. I’m not sure why is my body still intact when I feel that I’ve broken into a million pieces.

  5. It’s not easy. But darling, I could never rescue you.

  6. The piercing silence accentuates my loneliness.

  7. The longest distance might be me caring about you but not daring to let you know.

  8. Just thinking of you again. How are you?

  9. Oh a heartbreak, I don’t need this reminder that I can love.

  10. It hurts that, then, it would be as if we’ve never met each other.

  11. When talking to people whom I’ve just met, I still refer to you as “one of my friends”.

  12. Have you ever felt so hurt that you had to physically rub your heart to relieve the pain? I have.

  13. 睡觉时不敢靠着左侧睡,很怕这样就压碎了心,就这样死了。

  14. 我到底要等到什么时候才能名正言顺地爱着一个人啊

  15. I just wish that I walked deeper into your heart, as deep as where you walked into mine.

This post is updated as often as the author feels sad too and manages to string together words to convey her feelings. So yeah, I didn’t copy any of these from nowhere (I meant “somewhere”) and if there were similarities with something you’ve read, it must be coincidental. I bloody swear.
UPDATE: the author didn’t know it was possible; but she realised that it is possible to no longer feel some of the things mentioned before and so she deems it fit to remove quotes that are no longer relatable to herself. Maybe one day there wouldn’t be a quote left. That would be a happy ending. Yeah, the happy ending is a blank post.

Thursday. Aachen. Tired.

i have an exam tomorrow and it’s my first one since forever. im doing a subject that could be loosely translated to “Measurement Technology” where we basically study about measuring things. it’s a huge pain in the ass but is pretty doable even with my meagre German because we are allowed to bring in a cheat sheet. i might still fuck things up but hey, it might be a great welcome/warm up back to the academics life. im pretty tired so i thought of doing some light reading before heading to bed early tonight. having marijuana tea (no THC content though) to calm myself down; definitely enjoying the night

READ

all the reasons to write. really. great list

why people ghost. doesn’t answer my questions but i think im pretty much over my own issues 

so some DNA tests wrecked havoc in a family. i would do a test like that to know more about my ancestry back in China but i guess it’s a little hard for now as these technologies aren’t as well-developed and things may not be as extensively recorded in Asia???

Tuesday. Aachen. Gonna be stuck up here at the mountains for a few days

well i sprained my ankle today but i should have enough food in my freezer to survive

READ

i really wanna start journaling again. maybe incorporating everything in a Bullet Journal. but ahh, im lazy. so maybe a digital one

woooooo Malaysia won the World Pastry Cup 2019!!!!

26 facts about pandan. i hate how this very Southeast Asian (very Malaysian too in fact) thing is here sometimes portrayed as a Western finding. zzz Westerners.

one day i would die in such a dumb way that you couldn’t feel sad for me cos it’s so ridiculous

In 4 days I’ve managed to do some very dumb (but luckily pretty minor) things that could demonstrate my skills in being so clumsy that one day i would die in such a dumb way that you couldn’t feel sad for me cos it’s so ridiculous.


  • So I’ve cut fingers with a knife twice in two months now, that makes it an average of once per month. It’s not a very shallow cut and some flesh is missing and there was an amount of blood but ya im still alive. Handicap-level was quite high though I cut my left hand cos I could barely shower and do dishes without feeling pain and coincidentally i was smart enough to host parties at my place so i had to make my guests wash the plates, #BestHostEver .

 

  • I choked while showering. Don’t ask me how.
  • I sprained my ankle very badly this morning cos i wanted to wake up to kill the alarm clock but somehow i twisted my ankle. While being half conscious. I think it was because my legs were numb beforehand so my leg isn’t correctly aligned? And I panicked because of that annoying alarm so boom, I’m jumping around my house on my other good foot. Handicap level is mega high cos i can barely move without feeling pain at the swollen fat ankle.

First update came just two days after i published the original. i really am gonna kill myself soon am i? It’s Thursday and I haven’t left my residence since Monday night because of the sprained ankle. However, I’m feeling a lot of love from my friends; neighbours helping me buy stuff from the city and checking on me, friends coming over to study with me and accompanying me, and generally a lot of kind messages and tips on healing my ankle.  Life is great. Okay not really cos there’s snow outside and i really wanna have a real snowball fight but i can barely run.

  • the reason why i’ve been reluctant to leave my home is because i’d have to put on shoes cos it’s cold outside (at home in Malaysia it’s perfectly fine with slippers) but my classmate and i saw people building a snowwoman (we know it’s a woman because she has long hair. sorry i don’t have a picture) so i had to go out. In slippers.  My extremities were so frozen that it hurt for a long while even when I got into the warmness of my house. so yeah. DUMB. But also, because of the freezing cold, i walked more normally in the snow cos my feet were numb.

 


This post will be updated as I gather more convincing proofs that one day i would have a tearless funeral.