Thursday. why is Malaysia cold

seriously, ive caught a cold

WATCHED

empathy vs sympathy. was talking about it with a friend two weeks ago and she asked me to explain the difference and i couldn’t do it well . now i guess i could

READ

20 coding projects in 20 days. wow i’d never be able to do this cos i can’t just do one thing a day

apparently there are safety guidelines when on an escalator. i fell on an escalator before when running up and it left scars on both my knees. it’s dangerous

what an inspiring story about a runner mother. wow. wow. wow.

about computational science, which is related to my current degree. [Wikipedia]

about computational engineering, which about completes the description of my degree. really exciting. [Wikipedia]

SKIMMED

tips on how to set up a Mac for coding. uhhhhhhhhhhh

Tuesday. Malaysia.

i now have to watch with crutches but that is okay and i have a feeling that my progress is gggreeeeaaattttt. ahh crap, felt the same too after my arm surgery and then i got my hopes up too high and zzz it was horrible afterwards

READ

why we should pay in local currencies when given the choice

cross the world four times. somehow i feel that im at the emotional stage of having crossed the world three times but in reality i doubt ive even crossed the world even one time now

some ways to find stillness. what a post that i badly need, just in time

(kinda) done with the second semester

academics-wise, i’m officially done with semester 2, three days earlier than expected because some bad decisions in the past weeks led me to unregister from the last exam due to lack of preparation. and i don’t want to just “try to pass” in a subject that would be important to me in the future.

now for some reflections.

the semester started shaky as i further try to navigate the life as a student and trying to recover from a horrible first semester. i made plans. i was executing them. things were going good. and then of course, life would come fuck you up. i broke my dominant arm and a knee ligament, while playing badminton indoors. things pretty much just went downhill after that. although i was just physically incapable to go to classes for 1.5 weeks, the mental aftermath that i had to endure afterwards rendered me useless for more than half of the semester. i had to learn to use my left hand, which has gotten smarter but also still dumb at times; i still eat solely with my left hand but do most other things with my right hand, though it tires easily. i couldn’t go to classes because of the mental distress and i hated writing with my left hand after a while. i was betrayed and backstabbed badly while in the midst of this mess. i thought i couldn’t trust anyone anymore(not true), and i wouldn’t talk to my family (my poor poor dad). i literally faced all kinds of problems that a human could possibly face in a lifetime, other than financially, all at the same time. who wouldn’t slip into a depression like that? my routine started including going to physiotherapy, regular checkups at the hospital, going to the doctors, counselling, and group therapies. officially, i am engaged actively at two institutions for my physical health, and four institutions to maintain my sanity (i still went berserk sometimes, sorry for people who had to deal with it), and i went to my general practitioner often enough to realise that the first one sucked so i started going to a second one. this was rock bottom.

thus i started a battle with depression and anxiety. i still wouldn’t say that i conquered it but at least it has gotten better cos everything seems to be okay again. it begun with me starting a job at a university institute as a student assistant and in the same week i won a scholarship (that’s why i don’t have a financial problem xD). i really am happy at the job, it’s great to feel appreciated when you put in effort to do something. though i did (unsurprisingly) fail the first exam in the semester, the others that i sat for seemed to go quite well. and it really boosted my self-confidence.

there are of course some other things that happened that im still not comfortable to discuss in the open. what i really want to say is, i really am grateful for the people who stuck around and who believed in me (even when i was having serious doubts about myself) and gave me all the support to help me go through this. i now know who my true friends are, it’s still hard for me to cut off the toxic ones but for the sake of those of you who really care about me, i will.  shoutout to the all of you, mostly people who have known me for less than a year and people who might not understand me and my actions all the time because of cultural differences or otherwise but still chose to stay in my life. not to say that i don’t appreciate my old friends back at home and people in other parts of the world whom ive known longer, but we aren’t in the vicinity of each other and i now realise that it does make a difference. i still love you all, that’s for sure.

and i love all of you and i will try my best to regain full health (physically, mentally, and emotionally) as soon as possible and be the best person i could possibly be. i hope that you would still be there.

A Collection of Heartbreak Quotes by Yours Truly

For when you are sad because of various emotions.


  1. That part of my heart that belongs to you might shrink in the future; but it will always be there.

  2. In life, you’ll have love stories. Most of them would be sad stories, but you only need one happy story. I used to think that we could be a happy love story.

  3. Humans and heartbreaks, a package; Sometimes we, be gladly damaged.

  4. I’m not sure why is my body still intact when I feel that I’ve broken into a million pieces.

  5. The piercing silence accentuates my loneliness.

  6. The longest distance might be me caring about you but not daring to let you know.

  7. Just thinking of you again. How are you?

  8. Oh a heartbreak, I don’t need this reminder that I can love.

  9. It hurts that, then, it would be as if we’ve never met each other.

  10. Have you ever felt so hurt that you had to physically rub your heart to relieve the pain? I have.

  11. I just wish that I walked deeper into your heart, as deep as where you walked into mine.

  12. I couldn’t even forgive myself; how do I expect you to?

  13. Peak loneliness must be knowing a bunch of people who would listen but still feel helpless so no conversations took place.


This post is updated as often as the author feels sad too and manages to string together words to convey her feelings. So yeah, I didn’t copy any of these from nowhere (I meant “somewhere”) and if there were similarities with something you’ve read, it must be coincidental. I bloody swear.
UPDATE: the author didn’t know it was possible; but she realised that it is possible to no longer feel some of the things mentioned before and so she deems it fit to remove quotes that are no longer relatable to herself. Maybe one day there wouldn’t be a quote left. That would be a happy ending. Yeah, the happy ending is a blank post.

Thursday. Aachen. It’s getting cold

really wanna do more reading 😦 

READ

so my German has gone bad lately so i read an article in German about this missing Irish girl who was found dead in Malaysia. been obsessed with this case and feeling very sad about it. RIP Nora.

SKIMMED

10 things to do to be super successful. erm okay.

i suspect that my deteriorated language skills lately has something to do with my injured right arm which hasn’t been fully functional for more than 3 months now. 

7 things people should do while being in college (university in most other places in the world). hmmmm would still have to do no2, 5, and 6.