what on earth have i been doing in the past month

in short: not much


the main highlight is the exam season and i just bloody realised that im not even halfway through my exams!!! what on earth!!!! it’s been forever!!!! and my grades aren’t even that excellent…i can totally understand people who drop out…it literally feels like a waste of time. [to my friends who are worried that i might do just that : fret not, im asian and some part of me still want to feel the pride associated with a piece of hopefully recycled paper]

i used the Chinese New Year and exams as excuses to eat a lot of Chinese takeout and meat so i gained a substantial amount of weight which is why im annoyed. another side effect of this is my diminishing wallet. but i was happy as hell!

my thumb is still broken and my surgery wound is for some reason a little infected??? after two months??????? tending to it has been annoying (by tending i mean ignoring it, which is harder to do than you think). i went for my first run this year and since the surgery last week, which was invigorating and at the same time breathless. it is winter part 5 or 6 now here in Germany so im a little frustrated that i cannot go out and run and “wiggle*” the my extra weight away. [*quoting this directly from a data analysis & visualisation slide; please see below]

i started using a shampoo bar and mmmmmm for someone who is basically trash i think im doing a great job in reducing waste.

one more very important thing is the improvement of my mental health. my psychotherapist is amazing mannnnn! (i differentiate between a psychotherapist and physiotherapist because it wouldn’t be long till i have both in my life again)

i haven’t been reading as much as i wanted to so in some way, i feel like a stupider person. i have been however watching shows “to relax after a tense day of studying(cramming- because i didn’t do shit during the semester)” which is obviously just another excuse to not grow my mind in a more productive way during my free time…not proud of it but im chronically lazy person so yes, i will accept this personality flaw without question (cos that takes effort).

i have ideas for some EXCITING side projects to do in the near future…but first i need to. get. through. exam. anxiety. im combatting it by writing way more exams than i used to. i think im currently slated for more exams in this one semester than the last two combined … someone is trying to sprint to the finish line 8)

my brain was kinda swimming in keyboard vomit and i think i should just let it out so here it is…STAY ALIVE!!!!

saturday night/sunday. it’s gonna be winter part 3 in Aachen…

so i haven’t got my laptop back and my right hand still feels weird and my thumb ain’t really working. the exam season is coming soon! oh and CNY!

READ

uhhh so Emily In Paris got a nomination. what the fuck. even their own writer is suprised. this is a dark moment for Hollywood

toilets of famous world leaders. really weird and random that i saw this article

someone who has more than 50 million euros in bitcoin refuses to reveal his password and thus no one has access to the money now. this is the cryptocurrency paradox

ive only recently heard of the name Scott Alexander while stumbling upon a website and my first post from him is his resuscitation. how interesting

don’t be harsh to people with early birthdays

my main question is: do people who fall into this category (whose birthday fall within the first two weeks of a year) fail their new year resolutions more often than others? because we also have to celebrate our birthdays? and Christmas and the New Year’s Eve and the New Year were just less than three weeks ago?? or do i celebrate more extravagantly than others? (i don’t think so, i kinda only had a dinner planned)

but as seen in my #100DaysOf experiment, i basically am failing to do anything productive on the day before, on The day, and now the day after. i essentially gave myself a 3 day break. and it’s not like im partying or anything —we are in a pandemic anyway, so i am mostly alone — but i really just feel like chillin’.

i tried to adhere to my plans, which mostly consists of studying but i couldn’t focus, almost at all. and the weird thing is, i wasn’t even thinking about anything else; my brain just didn’t want to focus. puh.

as such i feel like restarting my #100DaysOf challenge on Monday. (am i the only one who feels a strong need to start things on mondays???) or should i just continue it??? but with Day 3??? i’ll think about it when my brain agrees to thinking about it. hopefully tomorrow.

idk if this applies to everyone or just an idiosyncrasy of mine. i actually know people with birthdays from January 1 through 18, but alas, i just want to chill and not send surveys. i also should start replying to the wishes that i haven’t replied to….but i just want to chill mannnnn.


some (fun) facts about my birthday, which i think is the most interesting date ever (at least for me) (but i think i also speak for a North Korean maybe)
  • it’s January 8th.
  • so for people who share my birthday, we celebrate Christmas, New Year and our birthday on three consecutive weeks on the same day. (i always tell people that my birthday is exactly two weeks after Christmas and exactly a week after the New Year)
  • famous people who share our birthday: Elvis Presley, Stephen Hawking, David Bowie
  • but in recent years, i like to say Kim Jong-Un (leader of North Korea). i often said: “ha! the entire North Korea celebrates my birthday!” however, after really checking yesterday, i am horrified to learn that they don’t celebrate it at all. 😦 we can’t know for sure why but speculations include that it is too cold and too expensive to hold lavish celebrations…okay…
  • it is a day after the Orthodox Christmas!
  • and i just did a search to find out if there is anything else that is interesting about this day and LOL there is something called Typing Day …that is conceptualised and held in my homeland…what a coincidence.
  • other coincidences that happened this week: on Spotify’s Discover Weekly, which i started listening to because i don’t want my top songs 2021 to be something from 2020 trolololol, there is a song called Memphis by Kitten (which is eerily also playing in the background as i type this) which has the lyrics “im 24”, my current age. wow.
  • Netflix released a new French series and i had a Netflix Party for it haha. it’s a mix of Sherlock and Money Heist but French which also managed to be a comedy. 5 more episodes to go but im loving Netflix’s present to me.
  • it was finally winter wonderland here yesterday where i stay and yes, i’ll take it as the Universe’s birthday present to me cos the whiteness has almost vanished completely today

the last time i felt this way…

…i broke my arm a few hours later.


side note: i suddenly felt like writing this post in the middle of studying simulation science…idk what that says about the subject or me.

second side note: ok WordPress’ new editor is kinda hard to use…how do i add a line break??? ok maybe back to studying for a while…(currently in a study session)

third side note: the editor is really interesting but also…complicated…oh wow cool a lot of keyboard shortcuts ❤


quoting myself in my n-th attempt in keeping a diary; that time was an experiment with writing on my iPad, which is actually great, cos i could access to everything everywhere but also…for some reason i stopped.

ok so the quote:

i’m actually happy. my shit seems to be pulled together. seems like i [only] have Mathe to worry about.

-around 8am on May 1st, 2019

it’s a pretty long entry (by my standards) but it’s also full of dumb stuff so im gonna try to pretend i didn’t see it. approximately four hours later, i landed on bad footing while playing badminton and slipped and broke my right arm and completely torn a knee ligament. things that ensued could sometimes be seen insinuated throughout my angsty posts since.

anyway, that part i quoted is exactly what im feeling right now. this feeling of hope and excitement towards the future. (i am also aware that i’m much less eloquent than before and i’m really struggling with it but for now i dismiss it as not writing and reading enough English lately (my German’s improved though). hopefully i’d be able to churn out more real writings soon…after the exams..and i hope i don’t drown myself in other commitments. i need to commit more in myself. ) and oh yes, even the maths part is true for now. haha i don’t want to talk about it.

wow im so good at vomiting words, irrelevant words. maybe cos i was trying to figure out why am i actually writing but since i still have no idea and my brain is slightly tired (what does this say about simulation science‽), i’m gonna stop.

maybe i just want to say that, if something bad happens to me in the next few hours, i want to be able to say that: i saw it coming.

and hopefully history doesn’t repeat.


PS: my current journaling experiment is a physical morning journal which isn’t updated nearly enough. well for now i can’t care too much about it. i have more pressing issues to handle. (i always do)

being angry

Twitter has been angry and i made some observations. this is based on my tweet


social media is great. you get to see how it’s like

when powerful people get angry.

when famous people get angry.

when smart people get angry.

when stupid people get angry.

this got me to think and explore a little deeper and then i don’t think i lie in any of these categories (at least i hope not) then came the next thought (tweet)

and normal people being angry. which is pretty much…normal. like the healthy amount. not disproportionate.

and then since i provided some explanation on normal people being angry normally. how are the other angrys (not a legit word) like?
in my opinion:

powerful people: probably pulling strings to make things happen. could be good or bad. like undercover cops creating chaos? bad. but there might be good things that we don’t see (yet).

famous people: create awareness. tbh i wouldn’t even think much about the current issue if not for so many people speaking up about it. and that’s also a problem cos these issues actually appeared TO BE NORMAL to me. that’s actually kinda fucked up. i mean, i grew up in a country where i don’t get fair treatment because of my skin colour. so like, it’s been a tacit acceptance my whole life. haha

smart people: really subtly. they make you think why this happened (and come to conclusions on our own; which could deviate from what another individual thinks, but does that really matter?) and suggest ways that we could do to improve things. in a way, they would help us grow and leave this situation as a little better person.

stupid people: makes you want to say “yes you can be angry and you have the right to do so but you don’t have to be THAT angry” or “you’re being angry at the wrong thing”.


these are of course just my own views and my thinking could probably be more refined. maybe i’ll explore this topic further in the future. maybe i’ll leave this here. who knows.

it was the anniversary of me breaking half my body

but then i forgot to post it. so here it is. basically it’s just an extended text from my Instagram post.


one year anniversary of the most memorable Labour Day in my life.  

but the real labour was on the day after, after i *smartly* refused painkillers when i first got sent to the hospital; well, that was just one in a series of bad decisions i made last year. 

another bad decision was to play badminton, which is quite laborious, on the day dedicated to NOT perform any labour. 🏸 

i very briefly contemplated covering the scars with tattoos but nah. visible scars are to serve as reminders i guess. 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

today i can laugh about it because of how outrageous it was; as with most of the other poor choices. 

quoting Marcus Aurelius in Meditations:

“‘Unhappy am I because this has happened to me.’ — Not so, but happy am I, though this has happened to me, because I continue free from pain, neither crushed by the present nor fearing the future.” #wowintellectual

that’s the level of tranquility that i’m still working towards. 💩

•••

❓INJURY UPDATE❓

🌰 in a nutshell : i’ve accepted that my body would not recover to 100%. it’s probably gonna be a maximum of 95%. currently? maybe like 87%. 

🦾: i cannot exert strength for too long, so, carrying groceries and writing for a long time sucks sometimes. i need a surgery sometime soon to remove the metal things. hopefully hospitals could take in non-corona patients soon. and then hopefully things will be better. 

🦿: 70% of the time, i don’t remember that the leg was injured. the surgeon hit a nerve while operating so my right shin has been numb since October but…who even needs to feel something at that spot?? 😂 so im okay.

•••

once again, i wanna thank everyone who helped made my life after the accident more bearable. i read that sometimes it’s not the patients who suffer, but the caretakers (though it referred to dementia patients, but i think it’s generally true). nurses are my new heroes. except the one who merciless cut off my beautiful splint/bandage/that thing on my arm. 😢 

•••

and yes, i’d play badminton again the second i’m allowed to. #tryagainbetternexttime 🤗 

•••

PS: i think i’m a little ambidextrous now??? 

tuesday. sunnyyyyyyyyy. hi.

oh wow so ive disappeared for a few days cos ive been plagued (again) with crazy allergy and also i was making a bunch of calls to people who are half an Earth away. ive also watched a lot of TV #guiltyascharged 

but i’ve also been writing physical letters so that one day, when someone asks me what i did during the war against the coronavirus, i could say: “i had to resort to writing snail mails (which actually isn’t very snail-ey in Germany) and in each i wrote ‘i hope that things will be normal again soon, and that we can see each other again soon’.”

SKIMMED

what’s new on Netflix this week! so excited to see that Molly’s Game will be up! i watched it through halfway last year on the flight back to Malaysia from Amsterdam (a whopping 11hour flight) but cos i intentionally exhausted myself in the week leading to the flight, i slept a lot on the plane and couldn’t even finish one movie lol. oh and la casa de papel! yesssss.

there’s a new entertainment platform called Quibi which is designed for the phone (whatever that means) and they are releasing Anna Kendrick’s comedy… #takemymoney 

“tech projects to do instead of watching Netflix” lol this should be retitled as “how to organise your digital life during this lockdown”. but the bits about Raspberry Pi and repurposing old tech are technically projects. would love to do some Linux programming but oops too late, university starts again online next week ahahahahhaa

for people who want to watch online content virtually

 

READ

this Quibi thing sounds kinda interesting. and quite immersive. might be a cool way for certain artists to display their art in a new way

102 years ago it was the Spanish Flu. the key to flattening the curve is aggressive social distancing. that’s the key point of the article with statistics to support the notion

how the coronavirus could drastically alter urban life. yet another time-worth read from The Guardian

 

WATCHED

what is Rick and Morty doing with this Japanese samurai and grisly video