oh, i have a blog

i honestly forgot the existence of this virtual property of mine (no i’m actually not sure which parts of this really belong to me but i do pay for something so i guess something does really belong to me).

the last post was my diary on my second last day in quarantine in Malaysia and i have been back in Germany for about four months now…an exam season is over and a new academic semester has started. i haven’t been doing a lot of productive things since the last update other than studying for exams, working on a compulsory group project, and playing badminton (and socialising, if that counts). oh, badminton. 

BADminton. i played in my first ever game season (league games aren’t very popular  where im from) so i was mighty excited but unfortunately im injured. again. and im completely out of the season and i didn’t even manage to play a quarter of the games…seriously…badminton was pretty much my therapy and of course the universe has to take it away from me. again. sigh, i can probably sulk for an entire book. but i will not, out of respect for my time and energy and your time and energy.

my english has gotten worse due to the lack of reading of high quality writings (and perhaps of too many low quality ones). now that i once again have more time, im picking up reading again. like, of real books that’s been proofread and so. and oh ive watched a few animes hahahah and i guess i am still slightly obsessed with Attack on Titan although i am temporarily abandoning the manga (i finished all of the currently available anime and the last part comes out on my birthday!)(if we consider the time zone differences). there are so much to watch, so much to read, so much to listen to, so much to play, so much to learn…so so so much to do, and if you were expecting me to end this sentence with “but so little time”, you are mistaken. 

i want to practice writing again for sure and i have a creative writing challenge idea that ive yet to execute, so, please stay tuned. 

what on earth have i been doing in the past month

in short: not much


the main highlight is the exam season and i just bloody realised that im not even halfway through my exams!!! what on earth!!!! it’s been forever!!!! and my grades aren’t even that excellent…i can totally understand people who drop out…it literally feels like a waste of time. [to my friends who are worried that i might do just that : fret not, im asian and some part of me still want to feel the pride associated with a piece of hopefully recycled paper]

i used the Chinese New Year and exams as excuses to eat a lot of Chinese takeout and meat so i gained a substantial amount of weight which is why im annoyed. another side effect of this is my diminishing wallet. but i was happy as hell!

my thumb is still broken and my surgery wound is for some reason a little infected??? after two months??????? tending to it has been annoying (by tending i mean ignoring it, which is harder to do than you think). i went for my first run this year and since the surgery last week, which was invigorating and at the same time breathless. it is winter part 5 or 6 now here in Germany so im a little frustrated that i cannot go out and run and “wiggle*” the my extra weight away. [*quoting this directly from a data analysis & visualisation slide; please see below]

i started using a shampoo bar and mmmmmm for someone who is basically trash i think im doing a great job in reducing waste.

one more very important thing is the improvement of my mental health. my psychotherapist is amazing mannnnn! (i differentiate between a psychotherapist and physiotherapist because it wouldn’t be long till i have both in my life again)

i haven’t been reading as much as i wanted to so in some way, i feel like a stupider person. i have been however watching shows “to relax after a tense day of studying(cramming- because i didn’t do shit during the semester)” which is obviously just another excuse to not grow my mind in a more productive way during my free time…not proud of it but im chronically lazy person so yes, i will accept this personality flaw without question (cos that takes effort).

i have ideas for some EXCITING side projects to do in the near future…but first i need to. get. through. exam. anxiety. im combatting it by writing way more exams than i used to. i think im currently slated for more exams in this one semester than the last two combined … someone is trying to sprint to the finish line 8)

my brain was kinda swimming in keyboard vomit and i think i should just let it out so here it is…STAY ALIVE!!!!

saturday night/sunday. it’s gonna be winter part 3 in Aachen…

so i haven’t got my laptop back and my right hand still feels weird and my thumb ain’t really working. the exam season is coming soon! oh and CNY!

READ

uhhh so Emily In Paris got a nomination. what the fuck. even their own writer is suprised. this is a dark moment for Hollywood

toilets of famous world leaders. really weird and random that i saw this article

someone who has more than 50 million euros in bitcoin refuses to reveal his password and thus no one has access to the money now. this is the cryptocurrency paradox

ive only recently heard of the name Scott Alexander while stumbling upon a website and my first post from him is his resuscitation. how interesting

don’t be harsh to people with early birthdays

my main question is: do people who fall into this category (whose birthday fall within the first two weeks of a year) fail their new year resolutions more often than others? because we also have to celebrate our birthdays? and Christmas and the New Year’s Eve and the New Year were just less than three weeks ago?? or do i celebrate more extravagantly than others? (i don’t think so, i kinda only had a dinner planned)

but as seen in my #100DaysOf experiment, i basically am failing to do anything productive on the day before, on The day, and now the day after. i essentially gave myself a 3 day break. and it’s not like im partying or anything —we are in a pandemic anyway, so i am mostly alone — but i really just feel like chillin’.

i tried to adhere to my plans, which mostly consists of studying but i couldn’t focus, almost at all. and the weird thing is, i wasn’t even thinking about anything else; my brain just didn’t want to focus. puh.

as such i feel like restarting my #100DaysOf challenge on Monday. (am i the only one who feels a strong need to start things on mondays???) or should i just continue it??? but with Day 3??? i’ll think about it when my brain agrees to thinking about it. hopefully tomorrow.

idk if this applies to everyone or just an idiosyncrasy of mine. i actually know people with birthdays from January 1 through 18, but alas, i just want to chill and not send surveys. i also should start replying to the wishes that i haven’t replied to….but i just want to chill mannnnn.


some (fun) facts about my birthday, which i think is the most interesting date ever (at least for me) (but i think i also speak for a North Korean maybe)
  • it’s January 8th.
  • so for people who share my birthday, we celebrate Christmas, New Year and our birthday on three consecutive weeks on the same day. (i always tell people that my birthday is exactly two weeks after Christmas and exactly a week after the New Year)
  • famous people who share our birthday: Elvis Presley, Stephen Hawking, David Bowie
  • but in recent years, i like to say Kim Jong-Un (leader of North Korea). i often said: “ha! the entire North Korea celebrates my birthday!” however, after really checking yesterday, i am horrified to learn that they don’t celebrate it at all. 😦 we can’t know for sure why but speculations include that it is too cold and too expensive to hold lavish celebrations…okay…
  • it is a day after the Orthodox Christmas!
  • and i just did a search to find out if there is anything else that is interesting about this day and LOL there is something called Typing Day …that is conceptualised and held in my homeland…what a coincidence.
  • other coincidences that happened this week: on Spotify’s Discover Weekly, which i started listening to because i don’t want my top songs 2021 to be something from 2020 trolololol, there is a song called Memphis by Kitten (which is eerily also playing in the background as i type this) which has the lyrics “im 24”, my current age. wow.
  • Netflix released a new French series and i had a Netflix Party for it haha. it’s a mix of Sherlock and Money Heist but French which also managed to be a comedy. 5 more episodes to go but im loving Netflix’s present to me.
  • it was finally winter wonderland here yesterday where i stay and yes, i’ll take it as the Universe’s birthday present to me cos the whiteness has almost vanished completely today

the last time i felt this way…

…i broke my arm a few hours later.


side note: i suddenly felt like writing this post in the middle of studying simulation science…idk what that says about the subject or me.

second side note: ok WordPress’ new editor is kinda hard to use…how do i add a line break??? ok maybe back to studying for a while…(currently in a study session)

third side note: the editor is really interesting but also…complicated…oh wow cool a lot of keyboard shortcuts ❤


quoting myself in my n-th attempt in keeping a diary; that time was an experiment with writing on my iPad, which is actually great, cos i could access to everything everywhere but also…for some reason i stopped.

ok so the quote:

i’m actually happy. my shit seems to be pulled together. seems like i [only] have Mathe to worry about.

-around 8am on May 1st, 2019

it’s a pretty long entry (by my standards) but it’s also full of dumb stuff so im gonna try to pretend i didn’t see it. approximately four hours later, i landed on bad footing while playing badminton and slipped and broke my right arm and completely torn a knee ligament. things that ensued could sometimes be seen insinuated throughout my angsty posts since.

anyway, that part i quoted is exactly what im feeling right now. this feeling of hope and excitement towards the future. (i am also aware that i’m much less eloquent than before and i’m really struggling with it but for now i dismiss it as not writing and reading enough English lately (my German’s improved though). hopefully i’d be able to churn out more real writings soon…after the exams..and i hope i don’t drown myself in other commitments. i need to commit more in myself. ) and oh yes, even the maths part is true for now. haha i don’t want to talk about it.

wow im so good at vomiting words, irrelevant words. maybe cos i was trying to figure out why am i actually writing but since i still have no idea and my brain is slightly tired (what does this say about simulation science‽), i’m gonna stop.

maybe i just want to say that, if something bad happens to me in the next few hours, i want to be able to say that: i saw it coming.

and hopefully history doesn’t repeat.


PS: my current journaling experiment is a physical morning journal which isn’t updated nearly enough. well for now i can’t care too much about it. i have more pressing issues to handle. (i always do)

being angry

Twitter has been angry and i made some observations. this is based on my tweet


social media is great. you get to see how it’s like

when powerful people get angry.

when famous people get angry.

when smart people get angry.

when stupid people get angry.

this got me to think and explore a little deeper and then i don’t think i lie in any of these categories (at least i hope not) then came the next thought (tweet)

and normal people being angry. which is pretty much…normal. like the healthy amount. not disproportionate.

and then since i provided some explanation on normal people being angry normally. how are the other angrys (not a legit word) like?
in my opinion:

powerful people: probably pulling strings to make things happen. could be good or bad. like undercover cops creating chaos? bad. but there might be good things that we don’t see (yet).

famous people: create awareness. tbh i wouldn’t even think much about the current issue if not for so many people speaking up about it. and that’s also a problem cos these issues actually appeared TO BE NORMAL to me. that’s actually kinda fucked up. i mean, i grew up in a country where i don’t get fair treatment because of my skin colour. so like, it’s been a tacit acceptance my whole life. haha

smart people: really subtly. they make you think why this happened (and come to conclusions on our own; which could deviate from what another individual thinks, but does that really matter?) and suggest ways that we could do to improve things. in a way, they would help us grow and leave this situation as a little better person.

stupid people: makes you want to say “yes you can be angry and you have the right to do so but you don’t have to be THAT angry” or “you’re being angry at the wrong thing”.


these are of course just my own views and my thinking could probably be more refined. maybe i’ll explore this topic further in the future. maybe i’ll leave this here. who knows.