third revision of something i wrote; can it still get better?

Look, a rare calm sunny day when the ultraviolet rays radiated heat

On the train, end-destination-bound; it will cease its forward motion

No idea about the imagery of the scenery; wanted to replenish sleep

Dazed, my mental state and vision; nothing was in focus anymore 

Of course, i do not matter; but sufferings from a myriad realms away

Never mind, a thick needle then legally punctured my skin; and for a brief moment, the pain felt unified. 

tell me what you think?