Lessons Learnt While Making (and Losing) Friends

  1. First impressions don’t really matter. Think about this: once you made a good impression; either by dressing up or acting like you normally wouldn’t, you’re gonna struggle a lot to preserve that image of you.
  2. Don’t expect people to treat you the same way as you treat them.
  3. You will meet new humans and you might have less time for the old ones, but keep in touch not just by seeing each other on social medias; initiate personal contact with them.
  4. People grow apart. According to Dunbar’s number, which is 150, that’s the average number of stable social relationships we can handle at one time. That means that, as you move on to next chapters in your life, the people in your direct vicinity change too and the names on the list of 150 change. Some names would be removed and replaced by new names. And that’s okay.
  5. People are generally nice and friendly, even if there is a language barrier.
  6. “It doesn’t degrade you when others treat you poorly; it degrades them.” – Ryan Holiday
  7. Knowing just a few words/phrases in someone’s native language can easily make someone’s day. However, do not know too many or else it might convey the impression that you actually speak the language, which of course makes someone’s day even more, but then you’d have to put on a poker face because you absolutely understood nothing when they spoke more and that someone’s day would then be a teeny bit ruined.
  8. It’s possible to love platonically.
  9. It’s easier to make new friends when you’re alone…even easier if your new friend was also alone. Loners attract. That’s kwy’s Friendship Law.
  10. Despite the amount of friends I have (ya i admit that i’m quite sociable) I think it’s very important to be able to be alone, being the company of yourself. Though I have failed to execute this well at the time of finishing the draft.
  11. Do not text someone you care when you’re in the company of someone else you care. Two things here; you should respect the company; and because you might not be focusing completely on both parties, you might sound rude
  12. Trust your intuitions about someone you just met. Bad vibes always turns out to be true in some way. Protect yourself.
  13. You really only need a few friends that truly care about you and support you. Quality > quantity.
  14. When asking for advice:  people will impose their reality on you and tell you stuff based on very different mindsets. So only ask for advice from people with whom you’d trade places with.
  15. Never take advantage of your friends in any regard. Or make them feel taken advantage of.
  16. Everyone has boundaries that might be very different from yours; physically, emotionally, mentally.
  17. Dropping someone off will always be hard, no matter how much that someone has wronged you.
  18. Envy shouldn’t exist in a friendship; you should be genuinely happy for a your friends’  achievements.

What I’ve Done in the past 8 months or so : a Report

It’s been 259 days since I came home from almost a year of being more than 10000km away, submerged in a completely different climate, culture, and language.

I was asked multiple times since: “Are you working or studying?”

I answered: “Neither.”

So from the persona I portray on social medias, people assume that I’m doing nothing, aka wasting my time and squandering my dad’s money (uh yes, I’m kinda a spoiled brat) and just having fun. Some people also thought that I stopped studying to travel (that’s a great idea actually except my wanderlust isn’t that big).

Well, I’m not trying to prove you wrong but I’m gonna remind myself about what I’ve actually done; this is a self-reflection and welcome to part of my world.


I met up with friends. Catching up is good, realising the distance between some of them and me is not. It’s sad but I’ve also started some friends as toxic though they have done nothing bad to me.

I learnt to be alone.

I have visited four Malaysian cities: Penang, Kampar, Ipoh, Malacca; and four countries: Australia, Japan, China, Hong Kong. I wasn’t home for approximately 43 days. Don’t ask me for my favourite city/country.

I met some very cool and nice people from everywhere in the world, and managed to engage in deep conversations with several of them. In contrast, there are Malaysians with whom I could not get over an exchange of formalities, even if we’ve known each other for ages.

I am trying to run a business to help people save time deciding what to wear, and mostly am broke because of this. It’s not really working because I made it hard to even decide what to buy. Well, I gotta learn. And I’m getting help. So wish me luck. And also please like the page on Facebook and follow it on Instagram, that would be much much much appreciated and thanks in advance! Oh yeah, my friends get a special discount code; ask and you shall receive.

I read 26 books (and actively reading two books) and also a bunch of articles. Mostly about philosophy and business, stuff completely unrelated to what I would be studying because why not.

I kinda learnt to read Hiragana and Katakana, two of the Japanese scripts. I’m determined to learn the language but…nah…I’m lazy. The same thing happened with French although with French, the pronunciation is still screwing me up.

I sent way too many postcards and festival cards that I think I can write a pretty accurate review of postal services of the countries I’ve been to. I definitely have enough knowledge of the postal products to work at a Malaysian post office.

I missed seven birthday bashes and am about to miss an eighth one…I am forever sorry.

I was briefly obsessed with rhythmic gymnastics and spent four full days camping at the stadium and then randomly getting an invitation to attend the gala dinner. Oh it was fun and disastrous.

I got a tattoo.

I spent a lot of time with my dad and my grandmother, and I think that’s something I will cherish in the future. My brother? He doesn’t want to spend time with me. But he said that he would buy me a PS4 controller and a game I want so I can play. Yay.

I started going to mental health therapy. I’m still not comfortable to disclose the details openly but I might tell you about it privately.

I watched a lot of films and TV and I also read about good films and good TV so I know what a good motion picture should be like but unfortunately most of what is on a screen is crap.

I somehow still manage to German. I’m super glad that I met (a lot of) Germans in Australia.

I gained a better appreciation for art, whether in the form of words, audios, visuals, and whatever.

I lost about 5kg. I’m not entirely sure how that happened and also I’m feeling more positive about my body image. Also, never ever call someone fat, you don’t know the full story.

I got an invitation to do the entrance exam at my dream university in Switzerland but ultimately had to decline it because…I don’t want to say. The university was the main reason why I acquired the German language. It’s a tough decision emotionally to let go of this dream, but oh, #life.

I learnt to make peace with the fact that, no matter how close two persons were; either platonically or romantically; things can change and it only requires the decisions of one side to make that change and unfortunately I am most of the time on the receiving end.

I kept in touch (or tried to keep in touch) with friends who are in about eight different time zones. The worst difference I’ve ever experienced was 17 hours…damn. Time zone differences is very weird but the best thing is always having someone to talk to no matter what time it is. It’s also amazing how I talk more to some friends who are hundreds of nautical miles away than some friends who stay a few minutes away in the same city.

I befriended a person who shares the same surname as me! She’s the first person I know with that surname who isn’t family (our surname, 管 , is very rare). How cool right!!!

I cold-emailed and cold-tweeted at people I find interesting, normally with no response, so I might be better at dealing at rejections now, however…

I shared a very very brief correspondence with some people in Hollywood.

I was rejected by the school in Germany where I’ll be studying in and spent two weeks in Japan checking my email inbox every day for a reply from my appeal. 12 hours after landing home from Tokyo, I got accepted after making a 10 minutes phone call. I wish I could give credit to my persuading skills but the truth is, they misconverted my grades before.

I started this blog.


I could not be happier to say that I’m going to Germany next month to start the next chapter of my life; the past two years were definitely wonderful interludes.