Tag: reflections

the last time i felt this way…

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…i broke my arm a few hours later.

side note: i suddenly felt like writing this post in the middle of studying simulation science…idk what that says about the subject or me.

second side note: ok WordPress’ new editor is kinda hard to use…how do i add a line break??? ok maybe back to studying for a while…(currently in a study session)

third side note: the editor is really interesting but also…complicated…oh wow cool a lot of keyboard shortcuts ❤

quoting myself in my n-th attempt in keeping a diary; that time was an experiment with writing on my iPad, which is actually great, cos i could access to everything everywhere but also…for some reason i stopped.

ok so the quote:

i’m actually happy. my shit seems to be pulled together. seems like i [only] have Mathe to worry about.

-around 8am on May 1st, 2019

it’s a pretty long entry (by my standards) but it’s also full of dumb stuff so im gonna try to pretend i didn’t see it. approximately four hours later, i landed on bad footing while playing badminton and slipped and broke my right arm and completely torn a knee ligament. things that ensued could sometimes be seen insinuated throughout my angsty posts since.

anyway, that part i quoted is exactly what im feeling right now. this feeling of hope and excitement towards the future. (i am also aware that i’m much less eloquent than before and i’m really struggling with it but for now i dismiss it as not writing and reading enough English lately (my German’s improved though). hopefully i’d be able to churn out more real writings soon…after the exams..and i hope i don’t drown myself in other commitments. i need to commit more in myself. ) and oh yes, even the maths part is true for now. haha i don’t want to talk about it.

wow im so good at vomiting words, irrelevant words. maybe cos i was trying to figure out why am i actually writing but since i still have no idea and my brain is slightly tired (what does this say about simulation science‽), i’m gonna stop.

maybe i just want to say that, if something bad happens to me in the next few hours, i want to be able to say that: i saw it coming.

and hopefully history doesn’t repeat.

PS: my current journaling experiment is a physical morning journal which isn’t updated nearly enough. well for now i can’t care too much about it. i have more pressing issues to handle. (i always do)

2019 reflections + 2020 resolutions

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threw a spontaneous NYE party with seven other friends and thought it would be fun to compile “best of” lists. that list is only for us to know, heh. then we did some reflections then some resolutions. after that we played games and got drunk. i don’t get how 10 persons managed to use 18 mugs/glasses but also i used three different ones for different beverages (wow).

2019 REFLECTIONS

(got these questions online while i was planning for the party, please pardon the sequence that doesn’t make sense)

an unexpected surprise last year: that i won a scholarship despite horrible academics results in the previous semester. however, the scholarship is awarded to students who engage themselves socially, a lot. hah.

best advice i heard last year: watch your mouth.

best thing i learned last year: to execute some basic life functions with my left hand. i still brush my teeth and eat with my left hand.

one word to describe last year: dramatic.

biggest regret last year: i fucked up something.

an unexpected obstacle last year: broken right arm and completely-torn right knee ligament at the same time.

best place i visited last year: Verona, Italy.

most excited for this this year: ironically but honestly, university.

most challenging thing last year: at one point after my accident, i had problems with my physical health, mental health (had anxiety and depression), emotional health, with some people i hold dear, with exam stress because i was very far behind classes because i missed a lot of classes due to poor mental and physical conditions, with a new job as a student research assistant at a university institute, and i had to manage a student association. i was literally operating with a broken arm, broken ligament, broken brain, and broken heart, at the same time. somehow i pulled through…

most grateful for last year: …thanks to friends who stuck around.

most inspiring person i met last year: will it be very narcissistic to nominate myself for this? cos i would actually be very impressed and inspired if i met someone who went through those shits like me; because despite having a terrible time most of the semester, the semester ended as if nothing bad happened. omitting the (extremely) negative aspects, i actually had a great semester, well, academically. and financially. this might be material for another blog post that ive been trying to work on.

my biggest achievement of 2019: having written the best paper in an exam; also, best grade to date!

funniest moment of the year: there probably were a lot cos i do a lot of dumb things/ do a lot of things dumbly but the one that came to my mind was the moment when i was on the operation theatre for my RIGHT arm surgery, alone and scared, and they nearly operated my left arm cos that was stated on the document.

place i want to visit this year: Poland. Turkey.

best moment of the year: couldn’t decide…

2020 RESOLUTIONS

these are quite vague because i need my privacy.

  • journal every day.
  • save money; get my finances straight.
  • be physically and mentally fit enough to go to the moon.
  • listen to a podcast every week.
  • spend more time alone.
  • eat my ego.
  • finish reading the books on the shelf.
  • not destroy the left side of my body.
  • try to churn out at least one blog post per month. a real post, not a reading journal. very unrealistic in the first three months because of exams…

    PS: HAPPY NEW YEAR!