This feeling of uncalmness,
is threatening to demolish my fortress,
the one of self-dependent toughness.
Negativity-spreading is my new big thing,
perhaps i need a new fling;
no, really it’s not good timing,
can’t risk what it may bring.
Stop, please stop,
i think i’m gonna pop,
what’s it like at the top,
do i still have a shot
I am so filled with ruth,
i need help is the truth,
but to look for people who could soothe,
i’m not sure if it’s a good move.
I thought i’ve became stronger,
much less vulnerable,
yet in fact i am still incapable
to bear the fruit of my labour.
I’m afraid of you,
You’re (hopefully ) afraid too.
When our paths crossed,
It’s like time paused.
We stare at each other,
Not moving a muscle.
I don’t hate you for sure,
I’m just scared of fur.
originally published on Medium
Perhaps my heart still aches,
Even ever so slightly;
Whenever I see your name, though it wasn’t you;
Whenever I listen to heartbreak songs, which lyrics are so eerily parallel to us;
Whenever I reminisce in our shared memories, it wasn’t a lot anyway.
Perhaps a part of me still long for you,
Even though it would never work;
Because we stopped existing in each other’s lives, what’s left is just swimming in our brains;
Because of our backgrounds, culture and society are such necessary nuisances;
Because it was lopsided, where I was falling way off balance without noticing where you were standing.
Perhaps I still would want to see you again,
Perhaps we would meet each other again,
Perhaps you would want to see me again,
Perhaps we could be friends again.
Perhaps I should sleep,
Perhaps I should just let go of you, even if, perhaps, that was the best thing that’s ever happened to me (thus far).
In a country where the mindset deviates far, far from mine.
By international borders.
I’m losing my sanity.
In a body that is far, far underdeveloped from ideality.
By physical limitations.
I’m losing my health.
In a brain that’s been far, far damaged from compulsory pills.
By cognitive declines.
I’m losing my gifts.
In a mind that’s far, far disturbed than it should be.
By hurtful realities.
I’m losing my sanity.
I need to hold everything in, don’t I?