turning through

This feeling of uncalmness,


is threatening to demolish my fortress,

the one of self-dependent toughness.


Negativity-spreading is my new big thing,

perhaps i need a new fling;

no, really it’s not good timing,

can’t risk what it may bring.


Stop, please stop,

i think i’m gonna pop,

what’s it like at the top,

do i still have a shot


I am so filled with ruth,

i need help is the truth,

but to look for people who could soothe,

i’m not sure if it’s a good move.


I thought i’ve became stronger,

much less vulnerable,

yet in fact i am still incapable

to bear the fruit of my labour.


I’m afraid of you,

You’re (hopefully ) afraid too.

When our paths crossed,

It’s like time paused.

We stare at each other,

Not moving a muscle.

I don’t hate you for sure,

I’m just scared of fur.


I don’t feel happy

I don’t feel sad too

I desire to cry

But I don’t feel it

Everything feels odd

Yet I know myself

This is unpleasant

I will get through this


I bought a book,

A book of lists,

Lists to make,

For the future.


What would you

Have achieved

In 5 years?


What strange spot

Would you have

Slept over?


Which of friends

Do you think

Would still be there?

I thought that

It’d be easy;

I’m the easiest

To be fooled.

I think not,

That I’m lost

For ideas,

I have a lot.

Alas I’m

Just a girl

Who feels just

Like a human.


originally published on Medium


Perhaps my heart still aches,

Even ever so slightly;

Whenever I see your name, though it wasn’t you;

Whenever I listen to heartbreak songs, which lyrics are so eerily parallel to us;

Whenever I reminisce in our shared memories, it wasn’t a lot anyway.



Perhaps a part of me still long for you,

Even though it would never work;

Because we stopped existing in each other’s lives, what’s left is just swimming in our brains;

Because of our backgrounds, culture and society are such necessary nuisances;

Because it was lopsided, where I was falling way off balance without noticing where you were standing.



Perhaps I still would want to see you again,

Perhaps we would meet each other again,

Perhaps you would want to see me again,

Perhaps we could be friends again.



Perhaps I should sleep,

It’s 4.20am.



Perhaps I should just let go of you, even if, perhaps, that was the best thing that’s ever happened to me (thus far).


In a country where the mindset deviates far, far from mine.

By international borders.

I’m losing my sanity.

In a body that is far, far underdeveloped from ideality.

By physical limitations.

I’m losing my health.

In a brain that’s been far, far damaged from compulsory pills.

By cognitive declines.

I’m losing my gifts.

In a mind that’s far, far disturbed than it should be.

By hurtful realities.

I’m losing my sanity.

I need to hold everything in, don’t I?