every time i see this word, i think of a door that isn’t attached to a frame. that’s the image that i usually associate it with.
but now that im feeling unhinged; instead of doing something productive like catching up on sleep; im contemplating this term.
i can’t tell if im feeling lightheaded because of a minor sleep deprivation, because im stopping antidepressants and therefore feeling nauseous, or because my mind is really unhinging itself from the rest of me.
to be honest, i don’t know why unhinged should commonly be used interchangeably with crazy. it looks too hinged to be unhinged.
so i propose an alternative: untethered. visually im seeing a kind of cord cut loose…cut free. although this word seems to be more widely used in other contexts, i think they should instead use unhinged in those situations.
“hey are you still stuck with that job?” “yes i am very hinged to it”
“are you together with that person?” “no we are unhinged from one another.”
im such a sucker for semantics.
i guess people normally describe someone as crazy when the subject seems to have no limits in the way that they act/think — their life philosophy is untethered to social conventions.
what im trying to say is, being crazy may actually be a way of being free.
what i’ve done in the 8 months or so in my “second gap year” : a Report
note: i can't believe i didn't publish this in 2018 lololol. i decided to not edit it (thus the present tense). well i went to Singapore and Indonesia after this post and read a few more books. that's about it.
It’s been 259 days since I came home from almost a year of being more than 10000km away, submerged in a completely different climate, culture, and language.
I was asked multiple times since: “Are you working or studying?”
I answered: “Neither.”
So from the persona I portray on social medias, people assume that I’m doing nothing, aka wasting my time and squandering my dad’s money (uh yes, I’m kinda a spoiled brat) and just having fun. Some people also thought that I stopped studying to travel (that’s a great idea actually except my wanderlust isn’t that big).
Well, I’m not trying to prove you wrong but I’m gonna remind myself about what I’ve actually done; this is a self-reflection and welcome to part of my world.
I have visited four Malaysian cities: Penang, Kampar, Ipoh, Malacca; and four countries: Australia, Japan, China, Hong Kong. I wasn’t home for approximately 43 days. Don’t ask me for my favourite city/country.
I met some very cool and nice people from everywhere in the world, and managed to engage in deep conversations with several of them. In contrast, there are Malaysians with whom I could not get over an exchange of formalities, even if we’ve known each other for ages.
I am trying to run a business to help people save time deciding what to wear, and mostly am broke because of this. It’s not really working because I made it hard to even decide what to buy. Well, I gotta learn. And I’m getting help. So wish me luck. And also please like the page on Facebook and follow it on Instagram, that would be much much much appreciated and thanks in advance! Oh yeah, my friends get a special discount code; ask and you shall receive.
I read 26 books (and actively reading two books) and also a bunch of articles. Mostly about philosophy and business, stuff completely unrelated to what I would be studying because why not.
I kinda learnt to read Hiragana and Katakana, two of the Japanese scripts. I’m determined to learn the language but…nah…I’m lazy. The same thing happened with French although with French, the pronunciation is still screwing me up.
I sent way too many postcards and festival cards that I think I can write a pretty accurate review of postal services of the countries I’ve been to. I definitely have enough knowledge of the postal products to work at a Malaysian post office.
I missed seven birthday bashes and am about to miss an eighth one…I am forever sorry.
I was briefly obsessed with rhythmic gymnastics and spent four full days camping at the stadium and then randomly getting an invitation to attend the gala dinner. Oh it was fun and disastrous.
I spent a lot of time with my dad and my grandmother, and I think that’s something I will cherish in the future. My brother? He doesn’t want to spend time with me. But he said that he would buy me a PS4 controller and a game I want so I can play. Yay.
I started going to mental health therapy. I’m still not comfortable to disclose the details openly but I might tell you about it privately.
I watched a lot of films and TV and I also read about good films and good TV so I know what a good motion picture should be like but unfortunately most of what is on a screen is crap.
I somehow still manage to German. I’m super glad that I met (a lot of) Germans in Australia.
I gained a better appreciation for art, whether in the form of words, audios, visuals, and whatever.
I lost about 5kg. I’m not entirely sure how that happened and also I’m feeling more positive about my body image. Also, never ever call someone fat, you don’t know the full story.
I got an invitation to do the entrance exam at my dream university in Switzerland but ultimately had to decline it because…I don’t want to say. The university was the main reason why I acquired the German language. It’s a tough decision emotionally to let go of this dream, but oh, #life.
I learnt to make peace with the fact that, no matter how close two persons were; either platonically or romantically; things can change and it only requires the decisions of one side to make that change and unfortunately I am most of the time on the receiving end.
I kept in touch (or tried to keep in touch) with friends who are in about eight different time zones. The worst difference I’ve ever experienced was 17 hours…damn. Time zone differences is very weird but the best thing is always having someone to talk to no matter what time it is. It’s also amazing how I talk more to some friends who are hundreds of nautical miles away than some friends who stay a few minutes away in the same city.
I befriended a person who shares the same surname as me! She’s the first person I know with that surname who isn’t family (our surname, 管 , is very rare). How cool right!!!
I cold-emailed and cold-tweeted at people I find interesting, normally with no response, so I might be better at dealing at rejections now, however…
I shared a brief correspondence with some people in Hollywood.
I was rejected by the school in Germany where I’ll be studying in and spent two weeks in Japan checking my email inbox every day for a reply from my appeal. 12 hours after landing home from Tokyo, I got accepted after making a 10 minutes phone call. I wish I could give credit to my persuading skills but the truth is, they misconverted my grades before.
I started this blog.
I could not be happier to say that I’m going to Germany next month to start the next chapter of my life; the past two years were definitely wonderful interludes.
sunday. but it feels like every day is just another day. very sunny. Aachen
yeap the days are melting into one again.
ahhhh the latest newsletter from the BuzzFeed CopyDesk is a gem (i learnt the difference between COVID-19 and the coronavirus) but i couldn’t find an online version of it. highly recommend to subscribe.
EXCITED TO READ BUT HASN’T READ
there is a BuzzFeed UK Style Guide y’all!!! (effects of the British colonisation)
thursday. it’s sunny. NRW, Germany
i haven’t been out to the city but i did go for a jog this morning and yeah, there weren’t as many cars as usual, i think the vehicle i saw the most were buses. it’s quite like a dead town. guess it’s good. #stayhome
the art of journaling. a very very comprehensive article and i pretty much just skipped to the sections that are most relevant to me. one of my New Year resolutions is to journal every day…trolololol fail. i have still yet to find the most suitable method for me…alas, i couldn’t even decide between having a digital journal or a physical one. ahh, possibilities are endless!
the history of irrational numbers because last Saturday was Pi Day. pi is an irrational number.
this is by far the best text written on “untranslatable emotions” i’ve ever read. probably cos it highlights an actual use for it
there’s a PDF and i was excited to see there is a Malay section which only contains one word. oh wells. hahahahahaha. it’s still nice. but the PDF is more like a collection of words that don’t have English equivalents lol
The Circle USA on Netflix. how to make friends while being under self-quarantine. oh. and American dramassssss. hahahahahah. hilarious.
WILL BE WATCHING
been binge-watching this every evening with the Streberin. i wonder what we will do when we’re done with the series….
Halt and Catch Fire on Amazon Prime. an underrated TV Series which talks about programmers and geeks and nerds set in the 80s. it ended up on many “Best of the Decade” lists. mainly discovered it because i had a crush on Mackenzie Davis
broke my arm 1.5 weeks ago and my knee ligament is also torn. everything is better now but also very weird
a day in the life of a Mongolian queen
Sunday. Aachen. SUNny DAY.
in a week i wouldn’t be here anymore! haven’t had much time to myself in the past week because of parties (yeah, exams isn’t even over yet) and im doing an intensive French course that ends on Tuesday with a test. then another test on Thursday and i’ll be gone..for about four weeks.
curious as to what got nominated in this year’s Oscars which is happening in a few hours‽ only watched The Incredibles 2 so im rooting for that
there’s a Chrome extension that would help you learn a new foreign language
surprised to see the Malaysian flag on the list of countries where college is free. haha. i didnt know that. because it doesn’t tell the full story. anyway, why is college in the USA so expensive??‽!!!!!! [comic]
i might write “The Shameless Cowboy’s Runaway Wife”, a romance novel
Thursday. First day of November.
another badass queen called Catherine de’ Medici
the hardest languages to learn in the world. probably from the perspectives of Westeners. watched it with a bunch of Malaysians and Taiwanese and we all speak the hardest language to learn in the world
about a Japanese serial killer