cos i had a bad day

though i actually don’t feel that bad but it’s actually bad. why am i so optimistic. anyway it’s late so this is gonna be a listicle.


BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY (November 12, 2018):

  • Belgian train delays en route back to Aachen. The trains were never on time anyway.
  • my bolster broke open and most of its inner organs came out while i washed it in the washing machine. i am so sad. the bolster has been with me for almost 15 years i think. i’m gonna be a surgeon and sew the wound. but tomorrow.
  • i bought a cork board to better organise my stuff and i also bought Sugru for that matter but the board was too heavy and i spent 30 minutes trying to fix it on my wall and ultimately gave up which is shitty cos there are now stains on my wall and an unhanged cork board.
  • i didn’t get a cheese cloth to sieve my honey oat vodka so i had to do it manually by hand. for a longgggg time. feeling so dumb.
  • a bus driver got out of his bus to scold me cos apparently i was cycling to close to the bus.
  • i normally look forward to receiving letters in the mail but today i got one that notifies me that i have to pay some taxes. worse thing is, they didn’t even spell my full name out and got my gender wrong. how dare they ask me for money if they don’t even respect my basic identity.
  • freaking drying machine didn’t work
  • i accidentally locked myself out of the room while returning some stuff to a friend. the problem could be easily solved cos i know the caretaker well. but. there is always a but. BUT lazy ass me has the habit of leaving my key in the keyhole so i don’t misplace them anywhere else in the room so my key was left in the keyhole and the replacement key wouldn’t work. that’s why the caretaker had to pry open my door (he did it in less than 30 seconds) and i have to pay a fine tomorrow.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE:

  • i had a great weekend in Belgium though i spent too much money and calories.
  • i managed to do some home improvement stuff
  • i did rock-climbing!! it was soooooooo funnnnnnn i can’t wait to go again
  • i handed in my homework on time
  • i have great friends!!!

The First Week of University

lame ol’ title cos i don’t have the time nor energy for a better one. then i should write when i think of something better? well, then, this would never be written. 


I’ve been in Aachen for about two and a half weeks in total but it feels much longer than that, though I still rely on Google Maps and Apple Maps to get to places. I walk and run (to chase the buses) and take the buses a lot. I’m gonna get a bike soon cos the public transport isn’t punctual lol. Apparently cos some buses come from the Netherlands and Belgium. Haha.

I understood about 60% of the class because damn, it’s so bloody hard to learn something in another language!!! It’s kinda depressing…but i’ll get through it. I hope. There are about 70+ of us in this course, one of the smallest groups in the university; the most popular course, Mechanical Engineering, has like, 1500 students.

I spoke mostly in Mandarin dammit, why are there so many Mandarin-speaking people here?????? I had troubles understanding and expressing myself in German on the first few days, but now I’m starting to ghost Chinese people and befriend Germans so it could only be better from now. Yay.

I obtained a Bachelor of Beer certificate on my first day of university hahahahhaahhahahahaha. We had to drink ten beers in ten different bars in 9 hours but we finished it in 4.5 hours aahhahahahaha we are amazing ngehehehehhehehehhehe i can’t wait to be a double degree student wahahahahhahahaha i’m gonna list this on my CV.

I joined the juggling club. I understand the idea of it but my stupid arms cannot work like a robot…I hope I can join our seniors soon to play!!!

I was chosen to be the “Social Coordinator” of the Chinese-German Society, aka as “Party Coordinator”. Time to show China some Malaysian-Chinese culture.

The other Malaysians here are super amazing and we all had fun confusing the shit outta everyone when we speak in Mandarin and English. MALAYSIA BOLEH! Most of them are from Penang, or that part of the country, how surprising. And we are planning to start a Malaysian Club!


I told myself and a few close friends a few months ago that I wanted to be antisocial in uni..IT IS NOT WORKING.

 

 

 

Farewell.

In the past two years, I have had to bid farewell too many times; either temporarily, eternally, or it-might-be-temporary-but-could-be-eternal-too-ly.


Before that, the major goodbyes that I had to say were on the last day of primary school, the day my mom died, and the last day of secondary (high) school, spanning five years.

What do you mean by major goodbyes?

The case with my mom, that’s obvious. As for others, my school mates and teachers, it could be goodbye forever unless we make an effort to keep in touch and try to see each other again. Major goodbyes also consists of leaving a physical location and a phase of life. For me, mostly people though.


Yet in the last two years, the rate of Goodbyes for me increased tremendously; I’m not talking about some random stranger I met on a random day, I mean people that I have had the chance to form an emotional attachment to; places that I’ve lived in (different from a short getaway, this typically means living somewhere for at least 2 weeks and leading a normal life, doing non-touristy things but human things); stages of my life where after I completed the current activity that’s beneficial to my future, I would never ever repeat that activity again. Allow me to elaborate.

PEOPLE

I believe this is self-explanatory. Surely you have experienced that feeling of sadness and heartbreak.

I am lucky to have the chance make friends from all over the world. I met most of them while studying German in Germany, over there, a course typically runs for a month or two months; I did two two-month courses and three one-month courses, so five courses; some people were only there for a course or two. I was meeting new people at the beginning of every course but I also had to say goodbyes at the end of every course. A lot of my friends back home wouldnt be able to relate because how could I be so heartbroken for people I’ve just known for a month or two? Well, try seeing the same people every day during 80% of your waking hours. Some maths: so a normal human is probably awake for 16 hours per day (going by the 8 hour per night guideine), 80% will be 11.4 hours, per day. Sounds a lot? Because it is. Most of my classes started at 8.30am and ended at 1pm, we hung out during breaktimes too. Then we had lunch together. After lunch normally we split up and went back to our own rooms to mind our own businesses. Then we’d have teatimes. Then dinner. And more hanging out after dinner. That’s a shit ton of time spent together with someone I’ve just met.

In contrast, back in the school days in Malaysia, I was basically just home after school and the only times I got to see my friends and talk nonsense were during recesses, co-curricular activities, and maybe weekend meetups but that was rare cos we couldn’t drive yet. It’s actually not a lot of time. I’m trying to say that I might have spent more time in a month in Germany with someone new in my life than someone back home whom I’ve known since primary school.

Oops sorry this turned out more long-winded than I expected. Back to it.

So there’s five goodbyes just at the language institutes in Germany. And I met some of the people again but we had to say goodbye again and honestly that really sucked. Through my solo trips this year to Australia, Japan, Singapore, and Indonesia, I’ve had to bid more farewells because really, when would I see any of those people again?

I also had to remove some people from my life, normally toxic people but sometimes, just friends who grew apart. Think about it…these might be unspoken goodbyes. Sad. Yet I have no control over these things.

PLACES

Last year, I left Freiburg im Breisgau where I spent a total of six months three times; I cried on every occasion. It literally broke my heart every time but I suspect that most of it has got to do with the people I met there. People again. Darn it.

Leaving Germany in November was another odd farewell. Though I was sure that I’d be back in within a year, I couldn’t help but felt an emptiness in my heart while boarding the plane.

Gaining a better appreciation of people and life, I also had little twitches in my heart when having to depart from Australia, Japan, China, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Indonesia. Although I might have complained about things, the question that would pop into my mind whenever I’m on my way to the airport was: When would I see these places again?

PHASE OF LIFE

From being a baby to going to the kindergarten, then primary school, then secondary school, then college/pre-uni; those are different life phases. Most people I grew up with follow the same trajectory up till the end of secondary school, then we all diverged. Some  went to university, some started working. I studied Cambridge Advanced-Levels. Most of my coursemates went to study right after while I learnt the German language. The past nine months or so being home is essentially a gap year, which I’m glad that I used to gain more life experiences. I’m blessed in so many ways and am grateful for it.

After this, I’m starting university; two years later than most peers; but I’d be there. I cannot imagine the life after studies though…at this point I’ve spent more than three quarters of my life studying I cannot visualise anything without it. Ha. Ha.


 

I looked forward into starting the new life but now that it’s really happening, I find myself sad. It’s a weird mix of feelings.

Sad to leave my family and friends here, sad to leave the previous phase of life (the #foreveralone phase), sad to leave Malaysia.

This is one of my worst writings, possibly because of my laborious attempt to transition to German time while being in Malaysia…I am sleep deprived. Also it took me more than a month to write this and this is a last minute finish. Mmm, gotta have better writing strategies after this.

Thank you for reading if you’ve made it to here.


Fare well.

Malaysia vs Indonesia

So today was my first day at the Asian Games in Jakarta, Indonesia and I watched the badminton quarterfinals, there were two Malaysian men’s doubles pairs left in the game.

My idea was to find the Malaysian group to cheer for our players because the Indonesian crowd is always crazyyyyyyy and I was certain that there would be a group for sure. Nope. So I was surrounded by a bunch of Indonesians during the first Malaysia vs Indonesia match and didn’t dare to cheer loudly lols. But I saw a man with our flag and a small drum at the opposite hahahaha, very hardcore.

So for the second match, I decided to join the man at the opposite side. When I got there, he wasn’t there but I saw the Malaysian flag so I sat in front of that flag. When the second Malaysia vs Indonesia match was starting, he came back.

Me: hi are you Malaysian?

Him: yeah you too?

Me: ya i saw you from the opposite so i decided to join you cos i was alone there

Him: oh okay okay come come. So we have a very important job here, we are ambassadors of our country now. So there are three components okay, we have the flag, the kompang (a small drum), and the loudspeaker. So when I hit the drum, you will wave the flag okay. You have to wave it because then the camera will record us. And then we have to do some PR work [there was another hardcore Indonesia supporter beside us] to let the other people at the stadium know that we have good relations. Also we have to save our voice cos there’s only the two of us so I will start yelling through the microphone when it quiets down and you’ll wave the flag and yell too, okay?

Me: okay.

After that I had the most fun I’ve had in a while, I think it was more fun than supporting our players with the home crowd in Malaysia.

Every time the Malaysians won a point, he will hit his kompang then yell “MALAYSIA BOLEH!” and I’ll raise the flag and wave it frantically and yelled the same stuff. Then the stadium will be roaring with “IN-DO-NE-SIA” to drain our cheers out.

Needless to say, we attracted a lot of attention: some people were filming us, some people yelled with us, most of them booed at us, and I think we were captured on TV. Soon after, the crowd seemed to realise that we’d shout our motto whenever it quieted down…so after a while there was basically no more silent slots for us to slot in our yells of encouragement.

In the end, it wasn’t just Malaysia vs Indonesia on the court, but also Malaysia vs Indonesia off court, though it was the 2 of us against possibly thousands The Malaysians lost the badminton matches; idk about the latter.

KL – Singapore by bus

Today I made one of the worst decisions in my life by taking the bus from KL to Singapore. It was supposed to take 4hrs and 55mins but took almost 10 hours.


At first, I was super impressed by the bus terminal. It has so many boarding gates so you feel like you’re going on a plane but no, it’s just plain ol’ (and very unpunctual) buses. On each gate there was a screen announcing the next departing busses and remarks like “on time” or “delayed”. You will never see as many “delayed” signs on a screen. And I couldn’t even figure out which bus was mine cos the code wasn’t printed on the ticket. Amazing bureaucracy work here. Then of course it departed late.

Okay to be fair, it’s not the bus service’s problem that it took so much more longer, it’s because too many people decided to drive into Singapore on this beautiful Sunday. Not so beautiful at the immigration.

There were more people there than at the arrival hall of the Paris CDG airport, I swear. And darn Singaporeans seem to hate all other nations, especially their neighbours. They randomly grabbed some Indonesian and Chinese nationals from the crowd and questioned them; not really sure what happened.

When it was finally my turn, they looked at my Chinese visa and German visa very closely, then kept flipping through the passport. And then an officer announced the last 4 digits of my previous passport number and the officer was like: “that means that the last time she came, she had another passport. “ Wow really, thanks for the analysis but why not just make sure that I’m not smuggling drugs into your country and let me through faster so everyone can leave earlier? I find this weirder than the “what are you doing here in my country?” questions that I got in the UK and Romania.

Made me miss crossing the European Union borders by land transport and absolutely not having to show any form of IDs.


However, the bus ride was pretty interesting:

  • Two ladies almost or the same as my grandmother’s age who were beside me started chatting to me and so we became friends.
  • There was a family with Canadian passports but seem to not understand English.
  • There were two French people who got visibly upset after we have departed for about 6 hours and not being in Singapore yet. Apparently they were just gonna do a one day trip from KL-Singapore. Yikes. We got out to official Singapore ground at almost 7pm.
  • We had to change buses, I’m not sure why.
  • It’s pretty comfy so I slept through the most of the first half of the journey.

Is this British enough?

So this happened:

BACK STORY: While I was abroad in Europe last year, I befriended a British who introduced me to this tea-drinking business. Ever since, I drink black tea with milk and I take it so seriously that I’d sulk a lot when tea tasted bad (normally happens at cafes).

And my tiny heart got very excited so I responded rather appropriately with:

More questions ensued:

Then an invitation, like a real Brit:

TEA TIME!!!

The Worst of Hong Kong

Hong Kong at its worst is public transports during peak hours. BE PATIENT WILL YOU????

Hong Kong at its second worst is on buses: inertia will fuck you hard.

Hong Kong at its third worst is when you are of Chinese descent and speak Mandarin (can’t you tell that we have the Malaysian accent????) so they assume that you were from mainland China and treat you with a shitty attitude.


Hmm, sorry about the negativity so here’s some positivity: I’m not in Hong Kong anymore.

Haha, jokes. Their cuisine is amazing but you have to know where to look.

It’s 2018 But In China They Still Do…

…相亲, xiàng qīn.

There is no such concept in the English language (or in any Western culture, I think) but it’s basically two persons being match-made by their families or relatives and then they get married. What the deuce???


That’s a common practice for the Chinese as recent as my grandparents’ generation but since then, come on, who would be happy to have your life partner predetermined for you???? I learnt about this from my paternal grandmother just a few months ago and was pretty surprised but also, a lot of things start to make sense. My grandfather died almost 50 years ago and my grandmother brought up six sons on her own; she’s a real heroine, isn’t she. Anyway, what made sense was how she never seemed to talk about my grandfather. Whenever such topics arise, she didn’t speak like someone who was ever truly in love. Maybe it has been too long and she is numb about it, but I never detected a hint of grief from her whenever we would visit my grandpa’s grave, which is every year cos we the bloody sentimental Chinese have a festival for that.


China has been giving me waves after waves of cultureshocks; it’s almost like a tsunami, really. First, I could not get over the lack of common courtesy here among people. Then, I became mindful that I absolutely the cuisine here because they are so oily and always too heavily-seasoned. Next, there’s this going-cashless movement (it’s really amazing). Now, this. Back to it.

So I befriended a 23 year old girl, well, 22 actually since her birthday is in November. She is engaged to a man she met just 4 months ago and scheduled to marry at the end of the year. I was dumbfounded to hear that. Naturally, I asked some questions.

How’s the process like?

Through the introduction by a relative or family friend. Marriage is then discussed and the date of marriage picked right away.

[note: yes, there are “lucky” and “unlucky” dates to marry; it depends on pairs’ birthdate and birth time; where the logic lies, baffles me too]

(after she said she’s considered late to marry) What? When do people normally get married?

19 or 20. One of my peers has even given birth.

Do people get divorced often?

Normally it only happens to people who picked their own partners. If the marriage was arranged, then not really.

[note: it took me a few moments to comprehend this]

Are there homosexuals here?

I have met a few…but isn’t it unpractical*? What would they do when they’re old (and have no kids to take care of them)?

[* I am not 100% sure if that was the phrase she used but she definitely said the following sentence]

And you’re sure you want to marry?

I wouldn’t marry if not for my mom. In my village, the folks would gossip a lot if people weren’t married by my age. It would be no problem to marry later if I went to university, but I didn’t.


Things I should have questioned but didn’t think of at that time and it would be weird to bring it up now through text messages so let me imagine myself to be in the shoes of conservative Chinese people:

Are people happy (in their marriages)? [note: this is the closest English translation out there; in Mandarin, it’s something more intricate: 会幸福吗?]

Happiness is having the stability of life; not having to worry about not having enough to survive. With a partner and a kid, I can achieve that.

What if you realised after marriage that your other half is an asshole/bitch?

I could only admit that it’s my fate. 【认命】

Is having a kid/kids that important?

Yeah, when you’re old and unable to work anymore, you need them to support you  so you are finally able to enjoy life yknow. Besides, there would be someone to spread your DNA around. It’s great.

Do you realise that you may never encounter true love?

What’s that? Does it help me have enough clothes to keep warm at night, enough to eat,  a shelter, AND all other life necessities?

What if after marriage you met someone else you’re romantically attracted to?

HAHAHAHA [with a “you serious bro” look]. I’d be married, I’d be loyal. That would never happen.

Please feel free to tell me if you have any other questions and I will try my best in pretending that I know the answer.