my computer’s damaged. my right arm too. (temporarily)

i had a surgery three days ago and the days before were plagued with homemaking activities so i barely had time for myself nor uni. (the #100DaysOf challenges is failing badly)

sad to say that neither my home nor my right arm looks brand new. im trying to figure out if all this bad luck recently is the result of past karma or im paying stuff forward….

i am however feeling hopeful to regain most of my arm’s functionalities within a week though my thumb is currently not that mobile. im showering later today so that is something to look forward to!

i spent my week reading a lot about Aileen Wuornos and got her second autobiography. emotionally im also feeling a little horrible about my old roommate at the hospital.

my first exam is in less than three weeks. let’s goooooooooooo

day 5

wow first day 5. pretty uneventful and unproductive day. decided to go on video entertainment fast for a month after im done with my current series (The Marvelous Mrs Maisel)

#ofwakingupearly ✅

haha. i lied in for an hour. but it was still early so yeah

#ofMeditation ✅

29.5 breaths. the first two minutes were very easy to control and it just went downhill after that.

#ofFrench ✅

until my hearts ran out

#ofCode ❌

i tried to do some reading and then some programming tasks but kept getting distracted. ha. ha.

reboot day 4

last day of reboot. haha. i slept like a baby last night.

#ofwakingupearly ✅

haha. i lied in for an hour. but it was still early so yeah

#ofMeditation ❌

so for some reason i could only do this in the morning and i was too late for that

#ofFrench ✅

lost my hearts on Duolingo faster than i wanted

#ofCode ✅

it was okay

reboot Day 3

i had better sleep but was still sleep-deprived from the days before. and i was smart enough to start my day with very strong black tea and i was a zombie for the better part of the day.

#ofwakingupearly ✅

haha. i lied in for an hour. but it was still early so yeah

#ofMeditation ✅

32 breaths. there was something very mindless going on

#ofFrench ✅

parfait!

#ofCode ✅

ha. ha. no zero days right?

reboot day 2

i had trouble sleeping last night and i was kinda awake till 3 or 4am…and i couldn’t take a nap…pretty much a zombie for the entire day…

#ofwakingupearly ✅

haha. i lied in for an hour. but it was still early so yeah

#ofMeditation ✅

28 breaths. somehow i managed this

#ofFrench ✅

well my first few hours were pretty okay

#ofCode ❌

apparently im stuck at an easy task fmlllll

reboot Day 1

basically i spend the weekend petrified and appalled by the life and fate of Lisa Montgomery, the first woman to be executed by the US in nearly 70 years (wow i sound like a real journalist but that’s because ive seen the same lines too many times in my “research”). i think i read about half of the 184page social history of hers. her story is definitely the most horrible one ive ever read — and ive read a lot about serial killers and other gruesome murders — it is so bad that it practically kept me up at night and i had trouble falling asleep over the weekend. she is gone now forever and maybe her Heaven is a much better place for her. just wanna say that: i think her crime is bad and she was definitely guilty, but i don’t think she deserves to be killed by her country like that, especially after they failed her her entire life. i cannot and i don’t think i will ever comprehend her execution, nor her broken life. i am sorry

#ofwakingupearly ✅

due to sleep deprivation in the past days, my nap was almost 1.5 hours today lol

#ofMeditation ✅

only did 5 minutes because my mind and heart have been too heavy and i have trouble concentrating. 15.5 breaths

#ofFrench ✅

actually planned to finish a unit a day on Duolingo (just to Level 1 so i unlock a new unit) but i was so tired i took the aforementioned long nap, which should actually be categorised as sleep

#ofCode ✅

worked through my professor’s code examples and tried to solve a coding challenge. not done yet but oh am i tired

observations; im taking responsibility

well it took me till Wednesday to realise that i switched off my extra alarm for some reason during the weekend and Apple Watch just can’t wake me up…today i snoozed for two hours cos i was too sleepy. dammit. i think i require more than an hour to wind down and chill before being able to fall asleep.

this is a weird mental block that i have: that when i wake up late, i feel like the day has already been ruined and it’s hard for me to do things that i have to. but now it’s getting better. like i had to go to the hospital yesterday and still managed to watch some uni videos in the afternoon. i guess im getting better but this mental block pretty much fills my head with negative sentiments that i just…don’t feel like doing anything.

if there was anything that i have learnt about such things (yeah i couldn’t put a name to it cos i just woke up and my brain doesn’t even want to express its unsolicited opinions) is that i can fight it. so piss the fuck off, phrenic demons aka productivity murderers.

anyway, i think i’ll reset the challenge and restart on January 18th, 2021. to April 28th, 2021 (my brother’s birthday!). Each day counts even if things were not achieved (and there would be failed #ofCode days, considering the exam season in about a month and i have other exams to prepare). #ofwakingupearly , #ofMeditation , and #ofFrench will go on.

my name is Wei Yen, and it’s just the second week of the new year, and my resolutions have failed. i don’t want to quit though. i will try again.

Day 3

so i settled for: a day wouldn’t count as a day when more than one task isn’t completed. hopefully no more lost days from now through April!

#ofwakingupearly

wow i am wondering how long this adrenaline will last

#ofMeditation

30.5 breaths. horrible. really irregular breathing pattern.

#ofCode

done